Communication and Boundaries in Open Relationships

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  • This is SUCH an important, sometimes neglected, area of the lifestyle John/Jackie it’s almost like we must review and reiterate over and over (as it should be!) just how critical proactive very articulated communication is in the couple’s relationship (yes, of course), but also with other play-partners. John hit the bulls-eye spot on about pre-communication. I also applaud the gentleman’s creativeness to surprise his wife — that’s a LOT of fun and wonderful adrenaline rushes — and that should be encouraged for the future! However, there might be a slightly better way to setup another (more prepped, comfortable) surprise that has worked very well for me in the past; batting 1,000 actually! (wink)

    Being in the SSC BDSM lifestyle myself, precise communication is practically a MUST, a GIVEN, and partners should always be learning how to refine their communication and listening skills. Mistakes will happen, it might even get a little messy infrequently too, but DO NOT be discouraged. That’s how you learn so much about yourself, your partner/spouse, and other playmates! My motto is “Learn to fail better!” Hahahaha!

    That said, when I have wanted to surprise her, like the example of your gentleman, I’m sure went to the rigors of doing — I know how much work it entails! — here, you must still do the necessary prepatory work and communication beforehand, as John nailed. In our SSC BDSM community there are a number of “Pre-Scene Questionnaires” available online that are very extensive. I mean they don’t leave ANY stone unturned! Partners/Spouses rate from 1 to 5, or “Never! I’ll Call the Police!” to “Oh HELL YEAH, MORE PLEASE!” on a plethora of questions. The two of you can even write paragraphs about certain aspects, fantasies, etc, or talk thoroughly about them together. The first time I do the Pre-Questionnaire with a partner, we do it completely seperate/apart so as not to possibly influence the other’s honest answers. Something to consider there. Though this is a TON of prepatory communication and might be perceived as ‘giving away the surprise,’ that’s not necessarily true. How I’ve avoided letting the “cat outta the bag” is by creating diversions, or simply waiting 2-3 weeks, making her relax and forget about all the prepatory talks and questions I asked her initially. You can easily setup false scenarios that come to nothing (in her head), but then totally happen in another situation she didn’t expect. It’s a lot of fun to playfully mess with her head that way, if of course it doesn’t violate any boundaries.

    Hope that offers some creative alternatives for this gentleman and any others considering the fun “surprise attack“. (role-playing maniacal laugh!)

    Another GREAT video you two! Two-thumbs up from me!

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