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Swingers Lifestyle For Singles

By March 7, 2017 August 14th, 2017 Swing Lifestyle Articles

Yes, you can be a swinger and be single. John and I see singles attending our clubs (http://coletteclubs.com/) every “single” week! I love seeing these men and women break through their own barriers to try something different.

Recently, an incredibly nervous, yet kind gentleman visited our club. He was newly divorced after many years of marriage and this was his first time in a swingers club. While it was apparent he was apprehensive, you could also see the energy and thrill of doing something completely outside the box radiating through him. This man was spreading his wings—he was trying something new.

I think it can be especially easy to want to pigeonhole the single swinging man. Yes, there are those single men who’ve painted a broad stroke of negativity regarding their behavior in the swinging community. These single men just never seem to get it through their head (the one sitting on top of their neck) that lurking, touching or your everyday creepy conduct isn’t going to achieve the positive outcome they’re expecting.

But, I think it’s important to remember that some of the men attending a swingers club may be similar to that single man who attended our club; they might be recently divorced, widowed or lonely and are hoping to find a partner who also truly sees the value and comradery of the swinging lifestyle and community.

I know when John and I struck up a conversation with the single man in our club, it didn’t take long for him to reveal his uneasiness. He seemed to gravitate towards John and was quick to ask him for advice and what was expected of him while in the club. There was even a moment in our conversation where I remember looking at this man and a wave of empathy rushed over me. It wasn’t all that long ago that I too experienced those same pangs of nervousness. But I also felt a sense of accomplishment for this man. He had braved the moment and decided to do something for himself, maybe the first thing for himself in a long time.

John and I caught glimpses of him throughout the evening. At one point, we saw him dancing with a single woman. We probably watched them longer than we should have, but we couldn’t help ourselves—they both had the biggest smiles on their faces and were thoroughly enjoying themselves—John and I are so happy and humbled when this magic happens in one of our clubs.

Single swinging women face a different type of objectification, and I for one couldn’t be prouder of them braving the waters and surging into the swinging community. These women recognize their value and embrace what they want from life. They’ll no longer accept or be victim to societal stereotypes—no more apologies, no more minimizing their sexuality and no more feeling guilty. These women own it and I love it! They’re proud and strong and enter the lifestyle with a wonderful sense of self-respect.

Women, me included, know what it’s like out there on a daily basis. I’m proud to be part of this group, a movement that rejects the onslaught from media, society and religion attempting to make us feel less than what we are. We know what it’s like to be told we shouldn’t be interested in sex or that we shouldn’t dress too sexy or ridiculed if we dress too homely. We’ve been taught to feel guilt about anything and everything to do with sex. No sex…you’re a prude. Too much sex…you’re a nymph.

Seeing or hearing about this transformation is what makes owning swingers club and the Openlove101 site so rewarding. Those moments when we hear, “I watched the videos and they gave me the courage to come to the club!” I love it! I love that John and I are able to put to rest the initial fears of countless women conflicted about attending a club as well as encourage those recently single men who want to spread their wings.

To witness timidity progress into full determination is awe inspiring. The metamorphosis of an individual shedding the skin of docility and apprehension in exchange for the wild exploration of self is amazing! These are the moments in which we tell our brain and our ego to take a back seat to what’s in our hearts and whole being, to what we truly know, not simply believe.

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  • This gentleman (newbie) was so very fortunate to have met you two, especially you John! Lucky guy!

    To witness timidity progress into full determination is awe inspiring. The metamorphosis of an individual shedding the skin of docility and apprehension in exchange for the wild exploration of self is amazing!

    Yes, yes, YES! This blossoming, if you will, reminds me of watching a young child experience a fantasy theme park with animated live characters everywhere. Their eyes, face, and body just leap with life and excitement! I know, I’ve seen the same in my son’s eyes and on his face when he first met Twig the Fairy at the Scarborough Renaissance Festival — she utterly hypnotized him! Hahahaha! And the rest of the characters throughout the kingdom swept my then 6-year old son away to make-believe. But I know exactly what you are talking about Jackie when those lights click-on in the head and the epiphanies start rolling in! It is truly invigorating for us!

  • Randy says:

    Thanks for this wonderful article.

    As a recently separated man, I didn’t go to nightclubs because I didn’t want to be “that guy” complaining about music being too loud to hold a conversation, or become the “part-time Daddy” at the club with the bar tab. Though I was initially hesitant about rejoining the more adventurous swingset, I have found that my enthusiasm for passion has evolved into invitations from singles and couples alike to join in the fun. I still find myself staying around the buffet or joining in mutual finger play, so (since my divorce is barely into six months) that my opportunities for good, clean, filthy fun will increase. However, what has been an exciting share of experiences since December 2016, I am quite excited about all the swinger’s life has to bring into my world.

    Thank you, guys.

  • John says:

    This article is a godsend to the older single man. I watched every video John and Jackie made and it gave me the courage to venture into the swing world again for a third and final time and I’m back to stay. Meeting J&J at the Dallas club was like a dream come true. To meet my mentors was truly inspiring. I met the nicest people there and stepped out of the box I’d kept myself hidden away in to have a fantastic experience. I will return for my 60th birthday and seek out my fantasy. You will know me. I’ll be the gentleman in the mardi gras mask black dress shirt and white tie. Come and say hello.

  • Patrick says:

    Wow! This was not just perfect but wonderfully inspiring! I am recently divorced and have followed the lifestyle, and a few couples, over the last couple of years … it is a lifestyle that is sensually intoxicating … I am still that nervous, shy and timid guy but the more I read posts like this, the better I feel about taking that leap of faith and moving outside my comfort zone.

    Thank you both for everything you do, and I sincerely hope to meet you in the coming months!

    My very best, Patrick.

  • J says:

    I am completely new… but my first experience was, to say the least, a bit… unnerving. While I did notice some absolutely respectful single men who approached my partner and I with manners and good conversation… there were also the other types. One such individual walked up and put his arm around me with immediate compliments about me to my partner. He then, in under a minute and with awful beer breath, asked if he could grope me. Luckily my partner was polite and told him no. I also noticed… for lack of a better word… what seemed to be a pack of hyenas roaming about. A group of single men, 10-15 of them (honestly I didn’t count and that’s a rough estimate) that were just hanging out near the play rooms. Some would go up to the closed curtains and press their noses against them–even when the curtains for more privacy had been drawn closed–just trying to get a peak at anything they could… while others were leaning into the open semi private play rooms next to the one being used and trying to see things that way. There were those that just wandered trying to open doors on private rooms after leaning their heads against the doors and listening as intently as possible… and those that lurked behind us everywhere we went. My partner and I weren’t comfortable with some of their behavior… and we chose to play in a private room. 3 times, that I noticed (might have been more… but I was a bit distracted) while we were playing someone tried to open the door. (Luckily we thought to utilize the lock.) More than once someone knocked–and, no, those knocks were not immediate following or preceeding someone trying to open the door. When we exited the private play room there was, for lack of a better description, a pack of what I could only describe as a pack of wolves… those single men that had been acting creepy all night… all huddled together around the door of the room we were coming out of. We were asked multiple times if we “had fun” and, frankly, I was so put off by the question and the group of them huddled around the door of the room we chose to play in that, after we had played a little… and then run into that… I wanted to leave. I can’t speak for experience at other clubs or couples only nights as we have yet to experience that… but, for our first time… it was a bit… creepy, honestly. It was like watching a show on Animal Planet where a group of hyenas is just circling it’s prey and waiting to rip it to pieces. Those men gave me no doubts what so ever about why they are single based on their creepy behavior. I am not against the idea of letting single men into the clubs by any means… but maybe there should be restrictions on where they are able to wander in the club without , honestly, putting people off from ever returning. Having had a really amazing time playing with my partner… it was an absolute and immediate turn off and, to be blunt, a bit… scary… walking out of the private room we had chosen and feeling as if I was surrounded by predators. I think that, perhaps, having a rule about single men only being allowed in play areas if they are invited might be a good idea… but that’s just me. As a woman who is both extremely happy in her relationship and, at the same time, venturing into this new situation with a completely open mind and no specific expectations… I am glad, honestly, that my partner was with me. The lack of single women in attendance didn’t surprise me at all given how completely uncomfortable the pack of hynenas made ME feel… and I was by my partner’s side the entire night…

    • Jackie Melfi says:

      Hello J,
      What an honest and much appreciated comment. I actually found your perspective to be so important, I decided to write an article on the subject, which will be released in our next email. I know at colette (the clubs we own) our goal is to make sure everyone in attendance comes away having had a wonderful experience. While we do have security and staff on hand to ensure everyones safety, we also encourage our patrons to help be that extra pair of eyes and ears. I know for us and our club, we do not tolerate anyone breaking the rules or guidelines. Thanks again for a great reminder to all those single men in how they should and should not conduct themselves. Jackie

  • Joe says:

    How do I join

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