was successfully added to your cart.

Cart

A Swinger and a Sleepover

By March 29, 2016 August 14th, 2017 Swing Lifestyle Articles

John and I do most of our traveling together, but recently John had to make an overnight business trip and we decided I would stay home.

I had recently become acquainted with Eric (not his real name), whose company I enjoyed, but had not seen him in a few months. I talked to John and we both agreed this would be a perfect opportunity for Eric and I to spend some time together.

I have gone on dates before, John has even driven me to some of my dates (and picked me up), so this was nothing new. What was going to make it new was the fact that not only would I be spending the day with my friend, but he would also be spending the night with me…alone…without John being there.

This was going to be new territory for us both. Even though John and I have experienced this scenario from his side, he and a girlfriend spent the night together while he was traveling, we have not yet had the chance to see what would happen if I had someone stay the night. How would John react? How would I react? This was going to be interesting.

I have to admit I was a little nervous. John has always been my safe zone, my comfort, my encourager, so knowing he was not going to be close by meant I would have to speak up for myself. I would have the opportunity to see how I have grown. And when I say grown, I mean, how I have learned to see my value and what I have to offer in any given relationship I have. To put into practice my power to say yes or no, to try things outside my comfort zone and to find out for myself what I want.

By the same token, this whole experience was also going to be a bucket list item for John. It would be interesting to see if his preconceived response to my encounter would match up to the reality of his response.

So the plans were set. John left for the airport and I waited for Eric to arrive.

I can become pretty anxious when I am about to embark on something new. Whether it’s a new date, or a speaking engagement, or traveling to new places, I know everything will be fine, but the initial fears that run rampant in my mind can cause me to want to retreat to the safety of something familiar.

I started to have those same feelings about my plans. So I called John and shared with him my anxiety. This is another reason why I love our open relationship so much and the honesty and trust we have cultivated throughout our partnership.

I can go to John for support and advice, even (and especially) when it revolves around someone else. John was able to quell my anxiety and remind me of the great time that lay ahead. He emphasizes the importance of stretching myself to try new and different things…knowing all along I would be so proud of myself when it’s over.

While John and I were talking, the doorbell rang. By the time I answered the door and saw Eric, my anxiety had dissipated and I knew everything was going to be just fine.

And it was fine. As a matter of fact we had a wonderful evening! We spent what seemed like hours reconnecting and talking about all sorts of things. There was a fantastic energy in the room, the kind of energy from something new. The whole big fantastic ball of sharing that comes when we are first united with someone. Finding out about who they are and how they grew up and how many siblings they have and where they have traveled and what books they like to read. Everything!

Those moments about yourself that you have already shared a million times with your partner, but somehow become exciting as you reveal yourself to someone new. Those true bonding moments. Those feelings that bring you closer to the person you are sharing yourself with. Those feelings of compassion and connectedness and love for your fellow man. This is the type of love John and I want to harvest through our connections with others.
And yes, sex is another form of loving someone. I would wager to say most of us grew up believing having sex is the pinnacle of a relationship. According to what most of us have been taught this “making love” is the most intimate thing you will ever do with anyone else. So intimate a thing, that it should be reserved for one other human being on the planet!

To me, if “making love” is the ultimate form of showing our feelings for someone, wouldn’t it make more sense to be sharing it more instead of less?! Well, at least this is the conclusion John and I have made about making love.

So I shared with my friend Eric the “ultimate” form of love. We spent just as many hours making love as we did sharing our love through communication. I was able to embrace this beautiful person in my arms and envelope the sweetness of the encounter.

So, what did I come away learning from this rendezvous?

Well, for one thing, I learned how much I adore and love my husband, John. The interesting thing about being in a more open relationship is how limitless your world becomes and how much more peaceful. I know it seems like bringing others into a relationship would create drama and jealousy and strained feelings (I mean, that was my initial thought when I first heard about swinging) but, when a couple takes the time to discuss with each other what they want from the relationship, and if those wants include a more open platform, then it changes the typical reactions to things like guy friends and girl friends and connections with the opposite sex.

Instead of those feelings of drama and jealousy and strained feelings, you end up with feelings of gratitude and compersion and love. Because John and I allow ourselves the freedom to spend time with others, whether it’s dinner or making love, we get to participate fully in the moment from a loving standpoint.

I’m not spending time with Eric because of some negative feeling or inadequacy I have towards John, it is just the opposite. I love John with every fiber of my being and those fibers become even stronger when I can see our love from a distance.

Think about it, I am not looking to have others fill something in my relationship because something is missing, but am instead adding what they have to offer producing a kind of cornucopia, an abundance, an adding to our already strong love John and I have for each other and those in our lives.

So, how did John fare being away from the action? Did he end up feeling how he thought he would about the encounter? The short answer is, YES!

But in order for the yes to take place, we made sure to take care of each other. We did this by staying in contact with each other throughout the day and evening and of course the following morning while I was on my date.

Because we stayed in contact with each other, John stayed upbeat and excited about all aspects of the date. He was encouraging and wanted to make sure I felt safe. He and I were completely honest with each other about how we felt throughout the evening.

The only time he struggled was sleeping alone in the hotel room, but only because he is used to me in the bed with him, not because of any fears. When he arrived home, we greeted each other with a gusto and fervor, and couldn’t wait to be intimate and to wrap our arms around each other.

John even took the time to send Eric a text, thanking him for not only watching over me while he was out of town, but for being a part of such a beautiful experience.

John and I talked about how great we both felt about the whole experience and how much our relationship has evolved. To know we have a relationship that caters to our growth and expansion with everything, and everyone around us, gives us a peace we have never known before.

Join the Openlove101 online club and get exclusive content, private Q&As, giveaways, and more. No spam, JUST LOVE.

11 Comments

  • Dwain says:

    A great first-hand story Jackie of kicking “self-fear’s” butt WHILE also nurturing further deeper trust & raw communication with Jeff. Bravo! An apropos poem and one of my all-time favorites.

    Love me without fear.
    Trust me without questioning.
    Need me without demanding.
    Want me without restricting.
    Accept me with and without change.
    Desire me without inhibitions.
    For a love so free…
    Is a love without end.

    Best wishes to you both! 🙂

  • Dwain says:

    Apologies! John… not Jeff. My bad! :/

  • lowell says:

    Very positive-energy in your writing on this topic Jackie! John reminds me quite a bit of my best friend of 10years, at IBM with regard to spiritually based outlook on the flow of relationships and life. One can infer his general thinking on this topic by your beautifully pure description of what you have experienced first hand with your intimate experiences in the LS.

    Surely, you both deserve acknowledgement (& praise) for this sublime behavior; but, not for your spiritual-compersiveness, as unrare as I’m sure that it is, I’m certain this level of a quality relationship does exist with a few other couples at varying times—but, more for your transparency & drive to share these things about you both with other people in an open, appropriate and transparent manner.

    As a reader, I have to say Bravo!! May both your journeys be worthy, & worthwhile, with a minimum of difficult encounters & terrain along your way; and hoping you both continue the purity of belief & action, that will inform any new friends of your chosen paths.

    Godspeed—
    Lowell

  • Gary says:

    This is simply beautiful. I have thought a lot about open relationships, and could really see myself in one. My wife and I have talked about it, but I don’t think she maintains as critical of a relationship with monogamy as I do. So I’m not sure if we’ll ever get to a point where our relationship is open, but it is definitely a conversation. Thanks for y’all’s input, and helpful information.

    • Jackie Melfi says:

      Hi Gary,
      My goal in creating Openlove101 was to help couples see the normalcy of creating a relationship based on what the couple wants, not what society has decided for us. I am glad to hear you and your wife are keeping those lines of communication open and having truthful, loving and honest conversations.

  • Kim says:

    Jackie,
    Thank you for your honesty, transparency and vulnerability in sharing your experiences with your readers. As a relationship and intimacy coach (watch that website – it’s coming!) for singles and couples, you and John model what I call a “Conscious Relationship”; one that is supportive, loving and fulfilling on a scale such that there is spiritual growth and intimacy that deepens with time. Truly, beautiful, generous and Fun! My husband and I are opening the door to an open relationship. Your and Johns sharing has been so valuable in our journey. Thank you both for what you bring to us and others.

    • Jackie Melfi says:

      Hi Kim,

      Conscious Relationship…I like this. Especially, when it involves defining words like supportive, loving, and fulfilling. I love hearing about couples who make the decision (together) to really take an inventory of their relationship, and to see for themselves all the wonders available. Marriage can sometimes get crammed inside a tiny little box of rules and regulations, but it doesn’t and shouldn’t be that way. One of the great joys of couplehood is knowing you have the freedom and right to create whatever type of partnership you desire. Three cheers to you and your husband for having the courage to take ownership of your relationship…enjoy the journey!

  • Donald & Dolores says:

    My wife & I are first timers we leave in Cajun land. We are in our early 60’s I saw your cut off age is max @ 60 we are 63/64. Are we rule out.Read your site a lot my wife noticed it and continue reading well her juices started to flow.I take BP meds. Well for the last 3 years have been hell for her having a soft cock to in joy because of my blood pressure medicine it sucks. She is still very horny and DONE with her toys. She saw that single guys are allowed. We talked a lot about it I have no problem single man having sex with.She really wants to go my guestion she only wants one guy only is that possible.She wants me there to watch is that ok. We will have room @ your hotel y’all mention.She is very shy first time with someone else in years.Can you e-mail me please.

  • Shats says:

    When the two of your are out somewhere, perhaps at dinner or just spending time together and someone approaches you in a flirtatious way do you respond? We’ve done swinging and its been great but if we made a special date night together, I wouldn’t want my spouse to be open to picking up someone the same evening. Do you guys ever just say, let’s shut down the poly thing for the night/week/month?

    • Jackie Melfi says:

      Hello,

      This is a wonderful question. John and I have been out to dinner countless times and I can count on one hand the number of times we have engaged in conversation with another couple as a result of being out. The times we have struck up a conversation with another couple, flirting has never been an issue, as the setting is usually one in which this type of behavior would not be introduced. This outcome might be different, if say, we were on a swingers takeover cruise ship in which everyone on board was a swinger, and the subject of sex might be expected to be more on the forefront of peoples minds. If you and your spouse are wanting an evening together, than by all means have a discussion before leaving for dinner on this very topic. Discuss what you want to have happen if by chance you become the focus of another’s flirtations? John and I believe quality alone time with your partner is vital in a relationship as it allows the opportunity to highlight your partner for the evening. In response to your last question, John and I have yet to consciously say that we are going to hold off on any swinging situations, instead we seem to cycle naturally between desiring more play partners to focusing more on just our relationship.

      Jackie

  • Hello there! I just want to offer you a huge thumbs up for your excellent information you have here on this post. I am coming back to your blog for more soon.

Leave a Reply

Your information (email) is private and will not be published with your comment. It's only used for notification purposes.