So now you and your significant other have decided to give the swingers lifestyle or open relationship a go. Well, it appears you will be in good, if not famous company. Just like I wrote about last week regarding the open relationship of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, according to another recent article several power couples have been open about their open relationships. But what can we learn from them?
1. Jealousy does not have to be present in a relationship:
My favorite quote from Tilda Swinton (The Grand Budapest Hotel), “I am very fortunate there has been a lot of understanding by the men.” This comment shows that when communication and honesty are paramount in a relationship then any issue (including jealousy) can be a jumping off point to deeper bonding and understanding. Jealousy does not have to be an issue if we don’t want it to be.
2. It doesn’t always have to be 50/50:
Just like with Megan Fox and Austin Green, not every relationship has to be an “even Steven” arrangement. In some couples, one partner is super keen on playing while the other prefers to watch. Some couples decide their partner can have a regular play partner while the other maybe doesn’t feel the need. This is why I love the open relationship concept and all it entails…each couple has the magical responsibility to cater the relationship to fit whatever each is comfortable with.
3. Cheating gets replaced with sharing:
What a wonderful way to live life! We are taught (well at least most of us) that sharing is good not only for others but for ourselves…why we think that should be any different when it comes to our partner I have no idea. Well, actually I do have an idea, it’s because we are taught as we get older to gather possessions and unfortunately most of society dumps spouse into the possession pile. This is another reason why cheating has become so rampant (and unfortunately accepted) in society…look, people are naturally drawn to others no matter the sex of the other person…it is in our nature. So if we can learn (as these celebrities have) to see the beauty and embrace this instinct we can open ourselves up to the joys of boundless love.
4. Swinging and open relationships stand the test of time:
Some couples work and some couples don’t, whether they have an open relationship or a more traditional relationship. The ones that do work though, work because they honor their commitment to each other, whatever that commitment is. Just look at Dolly Parton and her husband Carl Dean they have been together almost 50 years, and enjoying the benefits of an open relationship. Remember, your relationship to each other is defined by those commitments you have put in place, honor them and you are well on your way to success.
5. The relationship can be fluid:
What I love about all these celebrities and others in the swing/open lifestyle is they seem to understand that a relationship grows and matures, they don’t try to pigeonhole the union into a tiny definition. We see couples celebrate their partners freedom and use it to the advantage of the partnership. When I can be happy for John’s happiness, when he can share with me an experience that brought him joy and he does the same for me then we have transcended ourselves into a glimpse of unconditional love…and isn’t that what we are all striving for anyway?
John and Jackie Melfi are married swingers and in an open relationship. They were featured in an ABC News Nightline special report “Getting ‘Naughty in N’Awlins’: Inside a New Orleans Swingers Convention” and are the force behind the industry famous colette swingers clubs in Dallas, New Orleans, Houston, and Austin and the award-winning blog Openlove101.com with over 20 years of combined experience in open relationships and coaching thousands of couples.