One of the biggest truths I learned when introduced to the swinging/open lifestyle was that relationships are about options. That traditional monogamy isn’t the only way to a healthy, loving, committed way in which to have a partnership.
Since I was raised to believe a one size fits all kind of approach to relationships, it was uncharted territory to be told, “you know we get to make this relationship whatever we want it to be.” To really see what works for us regardless of whether it fits what society deemed normal or acceptable. To believe in the uniqueness of the relationship and all the dynamics each partner brings to the table.
When I realized that my partner and I had the incredible responsibility and freedom to create whatever style of union we wanted, all kinds of doors and opportunities opened up.
1. We were able to discuss what we really, truly wanted…no-holds-barred.
2. We were totally open with each other about our fantasies…check your embarrassment at the door.
3. We listened to each other with open ears and hearts…no judging allowed.
4. We allowed ourselves the freedom to be fluid in our relationship…to give it space to grow and change.
5. We believed in our love enough to set it free…to never “enslave” our partner with ownership.
Giving ourselves the permission to take hold of our relationship and say, “you know we have been given a great gift, how do we want to open it!”
We have placed the heart of our relationship right where it belongs…in our hands.
So regardless of what style of relationship you and your partner decide, remember ultimately it is about the two of you and what works.
John and Jackie Melfi are in a consensually non monogamous marriage. They have been featured in ABC News Nightline Special Report “Getting Naughty In N’awlins”, Inside a New Orleans Swingers Convention, and CNN “This Is Life” with Lisa Ling. The Melfis are the force behind the industry famous colette swingers clubs in New Orleans, Dallas, Houston, and Austin. With over 20 years of combined experience, this powerhouse couple coaches thousands of singles and couples through their award winning blog Openlove101.com.