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Etiquette Inside a Swingers Club

By April 26, 2016 July 14th, 2019 Swing Lifestyle Articles

Ready to visit a swingers club, but you have no idea what to expect or what’s expected of you? Since John and I own swingers clubs we’ve put together this top 10 list to help couples and singles explore their wild side!

Also, we have a special bonus at the end for you to download your FREE copy of our comprehensive Newbie Lifestyle Club Guide!

1. Visit the swingers club’s online site:

Most clubs are going to have an online website for you to visit. This is a great way to get a sneak peek into the club and figure out general information regarding what the club has to offer and their rules. Do they have any upcoming theme nights? I know from a woman’s standpoint I want to know the dress code before I attend a new venue. Be sure to check out if they take credit cards or are cash only, what nights the club is open, and the hours. Look at pictures online of the club to be sure it’s what you are looking for. There are many types of clubs: bars, nightclubs, house parties. From the photos you should be able to tell if the club has the atmosphere you’re searching for.

2. Allow yourself time to acclimate once in the swingers club:

This step is important! Sometimes coming into a swingers club can be a bit of sensory overload. The surprise isn’t so much about all the other couples or singles in the club, but about the reality of the atmosphere compared to what your imagination conjured up. This is my favorite part of seeing a new couple come into the club–one of them (typically the woman) is a little apprehensive in the beginning, but as the evening progresses she relaxes and ends up having a spectacular time! This is another reason why spending the time going over what you do and don’t want to do on the first visit is so vital. Sometimes saying, “let’s just go check it out, we don’t have to play on our first visit” is a good idea.

3. Respect the swingers club’s rules:

Protecting our patrons is of the utmost importance. Most clubs, when visiting for the first time, will go over the club rules with you in addition to taking you on a guided tour. The club has these rules in place so everyone will feel secure and to ensure the best experience possible for those in attendance. The staff will answer questions and some clubs will have “host” couples (seasoned swingers) who are also available to answer any questions in addition to welcoming the “newbies.”

4. Hygiene:

Your night might very well end with physical intimacy, whether with your partner or someone new, so being conscious of your body and appearance is something you will want to pay special attention. These steps while seemingly obvious, are sometimes missed:

a) fresh breath (teeth brushed, mints, mouthwash)
b) clean body (showered, deodorant)
c) being prepared (condoms, lube)
d) clean hair (styled, rubber bands to pull it back)

Remember it’s about being at your best!

5. Setting up and respecting your own rules before entering:

Not only is visiting a swingers club new and exciting, it also offers a great line of communication between partners and internal conversation for single people. One of the topics that should be discussed is what the comfort level is of those attending. For those of you who are single, spend some time getting to know what you are comfortable with doing (or not doing). The same goes for couples. The biggest point to remember is to honor and value the comfort level and requests made by your partner or yourself. It is also important to point out that these rules and guidelines can be fluid–what you may not feel comfortable with doing right now may change into something you decide you do like down the road. Again, it’s about communication and trust. One of the misconceptions of swinger clubs is they are these wild and crazy orgies, where no one’s boundaries are respected. That is so not the case! Swingers actually spend quite a lot of time setting and reevaluating rules and guidelines so everyone involved comes away with an enhancing experience.

6. Get to know your play partners:

Sometimes just being in a swingers club is enough to throw people off their game. Some will have this perception that sex is the only thing of interest to the people inside. So, instead of trying to get to know others, the conversation will go something like this, “Hi, my name is so and so, I’ve been told I’m great at pleasing women. I would love to please you.” I just want to say, “are you kidding me?!” The first thing I try to tell new people is our club is no different than any other place you meet new people. Just relax and get to know everyone. Swingers are members of society. They have families, jobs, goals, car problems, and family issues. The one difference is they have decided to enhance their union through playing with others. To me, the friendships gained through these conversations have been at times just as inspiring and enhancing as the sex.

7. Drink responsibly:

I can’t think of a worse way to end what could have been a great evening by consuming too much alcohol. To much of a good thing can really get in the way of a successful sexual encounter. I looked up the effects alcohol has on men and women.

Did you know alcohol is a depressant? Did you know alcohol tends to have deleterious effects on male sexual performance? Did you know women have a higher percentage of body fat and less water in their bodies, and therefore, alcohol can have a quicker, more severe impact? Did you know women’s bodies take longer to process alcohol; more precisely, a woman’s body often takes one-third longer to eliminate the substance? If you find alcohol is starting to dominate your evenings out, why not put in place a “sober” swing night and see what happens?

8. Respect the rules of others:

Once you have located a couple or single you click with, at some point during the evening the conversation may shift to venturing into the playrooms. People don’t usually carry a list of their rules and guidelines and then exchange those rules with potential partners. No, usually this conversation will naturally progress once the topic of sex is broached. I find it happens pretty naturally, the simple sharing of experiences and what partners or singles like or dislike. When a rule or guideline is shared it is important to make a note of it and not cross or disrespect the rule. Swinging is about trust, and not just trusting your partner, but trusting other partners as well.

9. Respecting the playrooms:

Our clubs has several different play areas. Semi-private rooms enable people to play in an area where they can be discreetly watched by others. We also have private areas, and as the name implies, these are for people who prefer not to be viewed. Our clubs also offer a voyeur room–this room enables a group setting, where several couples can enjoy and experience a multilevel sexual encounter together. The playrooms are just that, a place to play. These areas are not for loud conversation or encroaching in on someone’s play space. It’s an area where the club rules and the rules of the people playing should be respected. Each of these areas has separate and distinct rules to ensure the safety and respect of all our patrons.

10. Playing clean and safe:

So here you are, you have ventured into a swingers club, met some fantastic people, clicked, and are now in the playrooms ready to take the experience to the next level. Just like with hygiene, we want to offer the best of ourselves. This is why condoms, female condoms, dental dams, gloves, or no sexual penetration with anyone other than your partner can be ways to protect against infection. Our club offers what we call “intimacy kits” which include a condom along with other goodies.

Remember, these experiences are about growing and expanding yourself sexually as well as emotionally. So whatever your comfort level, remember this is all about what you make it–so make it great!

Download your FREE Newbie Lifestyle Club Guide

Click here to dowloadGoing to a lifestyle club is one of the best ways to meet other like-minded people, but don’t make the mistakes that can turn a great evening out into a complete DISASTER. We made this guide from our experience as owners and operators of colette lifestyle clubs to help you be as prepared as possible so that you can have an amazing time, whether you’ve never been to a lifestyle club before or are a seasoned pro. Download your FREE guide NOW!

19 Comments

  • andre says:

    I’m trying to convince my wife and I need some help I really want to see her have sex

    • Jackie Melfi says:

      Hi Andre,

      Thank you so much for writing and your interest in the swinging lifestyle. The concept of swinging can take on different meanings to different people. To me the most important aspect of being in a swinging relationship is to enhance the relationship I have with my husband, John. When I was first introduced into the swinging lifestyle, I was coming from a very conservative background and had never experienced anything other than a monogamous relationship. If John had pressured me by saying he wanted to watch me have sex with someone, I’m pretty sure I would have been turned off to the whole concept of swinging, because I wouldn’t have been introduced to the lifestyle in a way I would be comfortable with. Because John was truly interested in who I was completely, and was an advocate for my self expression, my introduction into the lifestyle was slow and within my comfort level. I never felt rushed or pressured nor was John ever impatient when I would decline a get together. He and I were and are in the relationship as a team. You don’t mention how your wife feels about exploring the lifestyle, or if the two of you have had any conversations regarding swinging. I’m not sure if you are watching the videos or reading the blogs together, but that may be a starting point for some communication. John and I also offer scheduled consultation and coaching sessions on the website in addition to the videos and blogs we post weekly to assist those who request additional information.

  • James says:

    How do I find a swingers club or event near me? My wife and I are interested in visiting.

  • Patrick says:

    Really liked these 10 Tips and the article … very helpful for this single older gentleman who is interested in visiting one of your clubs … but a quick question? I am not shy, but am always cognizant of being respectful of others which can easily come off as me being shy or even stuck up … if I visit a club, should I expect interested couples or single ladies to approach me, or should I politely approach them and say hello? I promise, this sounds like such a simple problem but it is the one problem that has kept me from ever going to a club.

    • Mary Lou says:

      I have been in the Lifestyle for 7 years I can honestly tell you that if you are a Single Male you are are going to have a difficult time if you are a Single Male. Join a good website for your area like Kasidie or LifestyleLounge and go on the chat groups and find yourself a mentor, someone who will guide you and show you the ropes. There are more and more Single Men in the Lifestyle and they do not know the rules and the number of couples and even Unicorns or Single Females willing to play with them in decreasing because they have zero decorum!

      Good Luck!

  • Chris says:

    My wife and I are really looking for a fun clean and safe club to join not so much for me but for her. She really enjoys me watching her with a nother man , and it really turns me on she’s hot , so I was wondering if this is the club for us is there nice clean big men there

    • Jackie Melfi says:

      A friend of ours years ago, when asked about the lifestyle said, “swingers are just society.” I find myself returning time and time again to this perfect definition. For me, one of the favorite features of our club, http://coletteclubs.com/ is the diversity. We hope you will also find benefit in our clubs multiplicity.

  • Mel says:

    My husband and I are very interested in going to a swingers club. Obviously we both have alot of questions…mainly what to expect while entering…attending?? After being with one partner for so long…the idea of another person is both scary and exciting. Advice?

    • Jackie Melfi says:

      Hi Mel,

      Well, the first thing I will tell you is you and your partner don’t have to do anything with anyone. We have lots of patrons who come to the club because they fell in love with the sexy atmosphere and the friendships they have made. On the flip side, we also have lots of couples (and singles) who love to explore their wild side every weekend! If you attend one of our clubs; https://coletteclubs.com/ you will receive a guided tour of the facility. The hostess will go over the rules and will answer any questions you might have. Other than that you are free to roam the club at your leisure. We have a great dance and bar area with plenty of conversation areas in order to hopefully make those connections with fellow lifestylers. It IS exciting going to a club for the first time and yes it can be a little intimidating, but what I think you will find might surprise you. Swingers are just society. If you do happen to make a connection with another couples or single while attending, make sure you and your partner have had that pre-play conversation. What are you prepared to do? What are you not prepared to do? Is kissing okay? What about a threesome? Try to make sure you are both on the same page about the evening and remember this is about enhancing your relationship. Most importantly…have fun!

  • Justin says:

    How about for a male by himself. Is it even possible. I’d imagine there’s many more solo men that would want to try this than women. Also how do you go about asking if the person interested in you there has stds? Thanks!

    • Jackie Melfi says:

      Hi Justin,

      one of the most surprising numbers in our club is the almost person to person ratio of single men to single women in attendance. I mean it’s almost spot on every time! So, I would say the notion that only men are interested in a consensual non-monogamous relationship is outdated. Those seeking a more open concept relationship also values honest communication. I mean, I’m not saying you should waltz up to someone you’ve yet to meet and start asking them about their medical history, but the subject should definitely be broached if play becomes an option.

  • Britney Moore says:

    Do you have to be 21 to get into these clubs? Even if you are not drinking?

  • Lisa Garcia says:

    Hi we are from California
    My husband and I want to go to swingers club. More for me then him. I’m what you call a cuckquean , I love watching him pleasuring other beautiful women , which in return brings me pleasure , is there any clubs you would recommend in California

    • Mary Lou says:

      Oh Lisa! I am in Los Angeles and I am sure you will find some good action for your man in California! Depending on where in California you are located, get yourself on a good website like Kasidie or LifestyleLounge and make yourself some new friends. There are not many clubs anymore, but there are Meet & Greets, Hotel take overs and even Cruise Ship take overs!

      Get out there and get your naughty one! *Wink

  • Kelly says:

    I am a single that is very interested in the lifestyle. I’ve always wondered if people come to the club with a mask or bare face.

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