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Swingers Lifestyle & New Way of Looking at Jealousy

By November 16, 2015 August 14th, 2017 Swing Lifestyle Videos

Jealousy is a very hot topic in the world of relationships – whether monogamous or in the swinger community. In this week’s video, we discuss a new way to look at jealousy and how you can use it in your life.

The research we mentioned in the video was Franklin Veaux and his site is More Than Two.

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  • Tom Wondering says:

    I think I know the answer to this question but I’m going to ask it anyway. What is your policy in your relationship regarding privacy? I am talking about things like email and phone access between partners. Do you both have full access to one anothers emails and phones? I ask because although most people probably think that the jealous emotions may arise during some swinger type of physical activity, I think the real jealousy issues arise when there is time to quietly wonder. Having full access to your partners “electronic world” I think would be a huge step in squashing any concerns that communication of an inappropriate tone is going on with anyone. I also think it is a pretty comforting gesture to be able to allow your partner to know everything that is going on in your life. What are your thoughts on this and what is your personal practice?

    • Jackie Melfi says:

      Thank you for such a wonderful and thought provoking question. In regards to your question, John and I have complete access to each others “electronic world.” That being said though, I must point out, I can’t recall ever asking to see John’s phone or email in search of any interchange he may be having with someone. Nor has John ever asked to see mine. Why? Well for me, I don’t feel the need to because I trust him. I trust him to make intelligent and loving decisions when it comes to our relationship. Besides John is a grown man and is perfectly capable of making choices, especially when they involve us. I trust when he tells me he loves me. I trust him when he says he has never had a relationship like ours before and that he cherishes what we have above everything. I know if John decides to have a conversation with another woman that he will tell me. He doesn’t have a reason not too, after all, part of the joy of our swinging relationship is the enhancement others brings to it. I know with me for instance, I may have a lengthy conversation with a guy before talking to John about it, and there could be any number of reasons for my delay. Maybe I am making sure the conversation is worth my time. Maybe I want to have everything lined up before surprising John. But, it is never to keep the conversation from him. As a matter of fact, if John was asking me all the time to check my email or phone to make sure I’m not being “inappropriate” with anyone, then I would automatically feel as though he doesn’t trust me. Fortunately for us though, John understands that ultimately the decision to be with another gentleman is my choice, so who better to make that determination than me?! John and I view our relationship from the standpoint of being shared partners. By this I mean, neither of us feels as though our marriage involves any kind of ownership of the other. I share in Johns life and vise versa. Now that’s not to say we are just nonchalant with our relationship or ignore our partners feelings. No, coming to this understanding involved hours of communication between us. We took the time to cultivate and build a strong foundation through this communication. We talked about our fears and worked at walking through those fears together. We affirmed each others love by listening and honoring the goals and desires of the relationship. We made time for each other as well. We discussed what we wanted from the marriage and promised each other we would maintain a fluidity within the union. Bear in mind, this is what works for John and I. Not everyone is going to reach the same conclusions as we did in their relationship, and that’s okay, as long as everyone is in agreement. This is another of the joys of being in a open/swinging relationship…you have the openness and honesty to tailor make the union into whatever works! If it makes you and your partner more at ease and comfortable to see each others emails and texts than I say, “go for it.” But for John and I, we don’t come away having any less or more comfort in our relationship by seeing any text or email feed that either of us might be engaging in with someone else. To be honest, I never even think about it.

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