John and Jackie from OpenLove101 tackle common stigmas surrounding open relationships and consensual non-monogamy. They dive deep into misconceptions about STDs, cheating, relationship failure, and love for your partner while addressing the societal and religious biases that fuel these narratives.
A bonus stigma at the end offers an unexpected twist. Join this candid and thought-provoking discussion!
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we have four stigmas about being in the lifestyle and a bonus one and you got to wait and see what that one’s all about it’s pretty cool hey guys it’s John Jackie from openlove101.com Welcome to our show if you’re here on YouTube please click the Blue Bell you’ll be notified of our
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upcoming videos if not go to open Lev 101.com sign up to our email list there and we’ll be sure to notify you upcoming podcast videos blogs and more and today I’m going to turn it over to Jackie cuz I don’t remember what we’re talking about we’re going to talk about some
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stigmas about being in an open relationship slash swinging stigmas okay do you have an example I do I have I actually have I have four four it’s the four stigma the four stigma yes this is really good this this is like uh what do they call it clickbait when you have something like that like the four
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stigmas of blah blah blah the four reasons you should do this yes yes well the first one is STDs oh that’s yeah that’s definitely a fear we get lots of questions about that on our YouTube channel and people email us about it and comment about it and there’s people out
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there that think it’s wrong because of that potential because the really the only way to prevent an STD is to either not have sex period or only have sex with the partner you’re with but even then you’re taking a risk because if that person goes out and has sex with someone
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else they could catch something and spread it so you know it’s one of those things where people email and say this is what their biggest concern we’re really really concerned about this my recommendation is then you know don’t do it CU it can spoil the fun I mean there’s things you
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can do to prevent from getting any from getting most things um but you’re not you can’t protect yourself from everything and uh I mean there’s there’s uh herpes too for instance and even with uh wearing condoms and such it can you can still transmit that so uh if if it’s a you
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know like that’s the number one thing maybe you can find other things to do as well you know without having to do any kind of sexual intercourse but it it definitely is a stigma for me like going to the clubs or an event kind of along these lines because it’s disease it I worry about catching
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the flu or something and uh because that’s put me out worse than anything is when I’ve everyone’s you know trying to you know say hi they want to kiss you on the lips and these days I really try and avoid that cuz I really don’t want to get sick in that way too so just sick in general
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when you’re around a lot of people can really make people wey of doing something yeah well and I think we’ve done such a disservice by villainizing certain medical issues or conditions and it really if you really stop and think about like why why are the ones that have to do with sex the
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ones that are villainized like yeah why ate it the flu or chickenpox no one has ever emailed us and said we’re really concerned about catching the flu or chickenpox and you know the thing is is uh people in open relationships are in the The Swinging swinging world we don’t
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Corner the market in STDs no that’s true and uh matter of fact you’re going to find that because because people have chosen to be in an open relationship or they are you know engaging with others they’re proactive in that you know so there more of a likelihood of those
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people being tested to be as healthy as they can be as opposed to if a couple you know somebody within the couple cheats or you know if you’re just single and you’ve been been going out with a lot of people it’s you know it’s just I think you know one of the big things
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that I would really like to see change in our world is this is the stigma that we have towards certain illnesses that we like to associate with sex and I I mean I know why I know why we do it you know there’s religious reasons why we do it there’s societal reasons that we do it and I
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can’t think of a better way to keep somebody from doing something than to shame them mhm but you know we really have to think about the implications that we make on people if they if they get one of these things and then they feel as though they’re being excommunicated from society or that
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their life is going to be over now that they have this or nobody’s going to love them with this I mean you start talking about people’s mental health um just the way that they’re able to operate in society when we do that you know it’s 2024 people let’s let’s I mean it’s kind of time to grow up we’ve
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got these things they’re in our society they’re well in our society and matter of fact the time of this filming there was just an article in Daily Mail where they talk about um I think it was herpes and one in five Americans has it so I mean we can’t go around being like Oh I
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don’t have it I don’t have it I don’t have it I don’t have it no you know nobody has it but then it’s super prevalent and if it’s super prevalent then uh you know it’s about understanding where that comes from and how that happens and how we need to stop stigmatizing those things I mean people
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need to feel as though their life is still going to be full and operational and that they’re going to be okay even if they catch some of these things so I think the days of stigmatizing STDs is is so is it it just seems like it should be so over because it’s it it doesn’t help
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anybody it doesn’t help anybody because if somebody feels as though they’re going to be ostracized for admitting it who’s going to admit it exactly and so then who’s going to get treatment so I mean it it seems to me if anything we should be not welcoming of it but we
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should have a much more positive view of either finding cures for it or you know helping people not feel like it’s the end of the world that this has happened especially if it’s something that ends up being so prevalent that it’s almost like you can’t even well and even besides that one some
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other of the of the STDs can be easily fixed with just penicillin right I mean you get well much quicker than you would if you did catch the flu or a cold or something like that that right um the in the the on the other side of the coin it’s important to take responsibility for yourself and if you
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do have something including the flu or some other contagious disease that’s not sexually related take care of it don’t go to a swingers club or a swingers event you know or if you’re on a ship stay in your room right um I do think one thing that came from the covid thing
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is pic yeah is that I think today people have more awareness of that and and aren’t going to maybe they’ll stay home with the flu and I think the workplace the the the people that run the office are going to say yes please stay home if you have the flu right um rather than
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let those things come in and spread throughout the office and wherever and I think the same thing should hold true you know with in in in clubs if if you know you have something or if you’re unsure get tested getting tested for those things is really important I think
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when you’re uh pris and be honest be open open and honest and CU here here’s and here’s the here’s the other thing and and this is just kind of like an inside thing to people that are in the lifestyle the people that are in the lifestyle and they’re open and honest
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about what they have or treatments that they’re going through you’re going to find other people within the lifestyle that’ll say I also have this same thing or you know so they’ll seek each other out and then they’ll you know they can have a partnership ship or Community
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within the community yeah uh for support but I think it’s time that we that we start getting away from that kind of talk sh it does yeah the shame of it it it’s not helping anybody especially when we’re especially when we’re talking about People’s Health I mean let’s get real here the the other
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stigma is cheating yeah we have a couple episodes that deal with that directly many people’s minds being in an open relationship is is really cheating is what they’ll tell you it’s just cheating it’s just cheating well it’s not cheating it’s it’s two people that are
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consenting to do certain things together or separately and uh and then you know when it comes to having sex with other people that’s what it is I mean we’ve talked many many times about how you and I love it when each other does that thing so it enhances our relationship
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and I think cheating does not enhance a relationship it’s it’s linding to your partner being dishonest so it is I don’t even know why that would be considered a stigma I mean um because yeah it’s just a it’s a misconception of what consensual n monogamy I mean right there
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the very first word consensual Nom monogamy I mean it consenting to it I mean yeah it’s like well you two people I think Courtney said it even something about well you two consenting adults can’t make that kind of a decision you know I mean or you don’t know what decision
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you’ve just made I mean you don’t really what you’re doing is this it’s and I love that right the audacity that you’re going to tell me what I’m doing mhm no I don’t think so another stigma is if you’re in an open relationship it is going to fail uh yeah we do see that quite often to we see in people
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commenting on our YouTube channel and our social media I don’t know how you would know that well and there’s plenty of examples where relationships are very successful I mean there’s plenty of successful relationships out there that were consensual non monogamy as a part
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of that relationship so this is not true and there’s some consensually non non- monogamous relationships that fail just like there are other relationship models that are successful in the sense that the Coupes stay together and there are some that fail in the sense that those couples are
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no longer together but to judge the two individuals in the relationship based on the relationship model by saying the relationship model that causes the failure or the success sells short the people in the relationship now for those of you that are thinking about getting into the
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relationship and this that is something that you’re in fear that could happen it could fail because you’re getting into an open relationship I mean there’s if you’re not already if you don’t have a solid foundation in your relationship the the odds are that that
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relationship is going to fail regardless if you get into consensual Nom monogamy or not and getting into an open relationship probably would cause that to happen faster depending on what the problem is in your relationship I mean I’ve definitely seen in a relationship
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where cheating was an issue somebody got caught and then you know multiple times and they decided let’s just open the relationship up um they’re already fighting about that and other things is it the relationships on the downward Trend anyway yeah so I don’t think you can really count that
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but if you have a strong relationship that would not be a fear I would have if you guys are completely open honest with each other going into it and have a good foundation I think it has just as much of a chance of success as any other relationship would so yeah I don’t know why you would yeah
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anyway anyway I feel like there’s something else I want to say to that but I can’t think and then another stigma that I have here is is this the fourth stigma this would be the fourth one we may have a bonus one I’ll have to think about it um another stigma about being in an open relationship or
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swingers is that you hate your partner what wow those are really strong words yeah you don’t you’re in an open relationship because you don’t like from people outside of it I got you that’s the stigma you know is that you must not like your partner you must not love your
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partner yes you don’t love your partner if you’re having sex with somebody else okay well I mean well then why am I still with my partner it’s not true yeah so I mean that’s an easy one that just listen if you think that you’re wrong because I love her and she loves me yeah
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say it I love you baby I love you and we’ve had such other people so yeah I mean it’s and it’s but it’s interesting how our relationship model elicits so much almost like fear in other people like I’m not trying to convert everybody and make them have non-consensual relationship models I
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mean I’m not trying all I’m trying to do is to say like you have your whoops you have your relationship model and let me have my relationship model that that’s kind of getting off topic here but that is the thing that really bothers me I have I I’ve had many friends do but I’m
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thinking of one in particular he really pushed me to get out of it yeah this is like 20 years ago yeah he how can you live with yourself doing this you know is that kind of a thing put shame on me and like I mean I don’t tell you what you’re doing how to live your life let
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me just live and I mean we became unfriends after that I mean I got tired of hearing it after a while but well and then it’s almost like I want to ask people like well how long would John and I have to be married in our open relationship for you to not say it’s
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going to fail or you hate this when does it become successful yeah when when when does it become successful never never yeah never I really think that that’s what they think like it never like we can’t admit that what you’re doing works for you it definitely works for us it definitely works for
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us is there a bonus I don’t know bones can you think of a stigma can anybody else think of a stigma that they have against people that are in open relationships I can but it’s a Hot Topic so it’s I I’ve seen it a lot in our you brought comments you cannot be in a in this lifestyle and
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religious is that a stigma that kind of yeah because a lot of our comments are that you just you’re sinning all the time and you’re anti-religion because of any faith oh yeah no I don’t want to get too much into that that’s that could be an entire video in of itself discussion
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you know on its own but the thing is there are many we know many many people in our lifestyle that are religious come to club on Saturday they go to church on Sunday there are tens of thousands of forms of Christianity and they they they make some rules to bend around and be certain do certain things
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or be certain ways or eat certain foods or do whatever it is and you can find a way that conforms to your religion and be able to do this and and the thing is I don’t know as far as I know from Catholicism uh it would be sinful to cheat but once again we’re not cheating
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right so I don’t think it says anything in there about if everybody n monogamy I don’t know maybe I wrong but I think it’s outside the realm and anyway we’re in the 21st century and uh as this as as the human race goes we’re still learning you know new things all the
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time and this is just uh the way we live today this works for some people and some people it doesn’t so mind your business and uh thanks for joining us today and if you’re interested in hearing more about this and other topics sign up to our email list at openlove101.com or hit the Blue Bell here
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on the YouTube channel Channel and we’ll notify you of videos we have coming up uh if you want to be condescending or controlling or judgmental I mean okay but we love what we do thanks for being here see you
Courtney is the Marketing Director for Openlove101 and colette Clubs.