There are so many wonderful people in our swingers lifestyle community that we wanted to start an interview series introducing our peers and friends, beginning with Tess & Bob aka “The Kinky Couple”.
Tell us a little about yourself. When did you get in the lifestyle? Why did you get into the lifestyle industry?
We got into this lifestyle 7 years (7 year it?) after becoming partners. It wasn’t until moving to New Orleans that we decided to “get into the business”, mainly because there were no clubs or places for couples to meet. Our free house parties grew until there were over 75 couples showing up and we knew we needed to move to a commercial space. The rest is history.
What is the biggest misconception about the swinger’s lifestyle?
There are two that I always hear::
1. Swingers are old and fat. Some certainly are (we are much older and bigger than we were when we started in this lifestyle), but overall, we find the people that go to clubs, come on our cruises and to our conventions to be overall attractive. In fact, I would say that the average lifestyle couple is more attractive than you’d find at most social settings. Why? We think that they take care of themselves so they have a better chance of being successful in this lifestyle.
2. You have to have sex. Of course this isn’t true and more and more couples that go to “lifestyle events and cruises” are simply open minded, like to dress sexy and are more often voyeurs than they are interested in having sex with others. No still means no in our world.
What is the most frequently asked question you get about the lifestyle?
How do you “close the deal”? We meet a lot of couples that have met lots of other great couples, but they have never done anything with them (and they want to, they just don’t know how). People are afraid of rejection and they don’t know how to move from a social setting to an intimate setting. They just need to be upfront and ask the other couple what they are into. By simply asking what they are into (and then telling the couple what they are into) they are sending the message that they are interested.
If that still doesn’t progress to where they want to go, they simply need to ask “Do you want to go upstairs (or into the bedroom or wherever that next step can take place). People will get a “no thanks” from time to time, but they will also get some “sure, let’s go” which can end up being a memorable experience they will never forget. So we tell them to go for it!
How do you define the swinger lifestyle today?
It is certainly different than it was, say 10 years ago. Certainly different than 20 years ago. There are certainly lots of people that are still looking for anonymous and random sex with strangers, but more and more couples are involved in this for the theme nights so they can dress sexy, it’s more about exhibitionism and voyeurism, it’s more about socializing than it is sex. I call it “Lifestyle Light”.
You’ll never take the sex out of swinging, but it is more mainstream and more varied in the participants. I like the way it is moving, it is opening people’s minds and their horizons, and that is a good thing.
Tell us about how open you are in the lifestyle with your friends and family.
Everyone knows about us. Everyone.
We are lucky I guess, since we know so many people that can’t be “out” because of their jobs or their family (or both). I (Bob) left a career because of an issue at work and this lifestyle. A career that I invested a lot of time (years) and a future retirement. That said, I am glad that I did. Our lives are so much happier now that we are completely open.
As more people are “open” about their lifestyle, there will be less backlash and persecution. I look forward to the day when we have the right to be non-monogamous in this world without worrying about repercussions.
What are some of the benefits that the LS has brought to your life?
Happiness. A better sex life. Better communication skills. We have been to many countries and cruised the world because of it. It has made our lives an adventure.
Do you have any special stories that you would like to share with our readers?
A few months ago I was at a burlesque show and while in the restroom (after the show) a guy says to me “Are you Bob of Bob & Tess”? This was a little strange since we were both using the urinals, but I said “Yes, I sure am”. He went on to tell me that he recognized me because he had been following our blogs and posts on Facebook and he thought it was incredible the lifestyle we lived and that him and his wife really wanted to know more.
After exiting the bathroom (and washing our hands) I shook his hand and introduced him to Tess and a few of our friends. He said that he always wanted to go to a lifestyle club, but was nervous. Some friends of ours were going to Colette that night, after the burlesque show, so I suggested he and his wife join them and they said “Why not”. I think it helped that they would be going with someone for their first lifestyle experience.
A couple of days ago, I was at a big house party and I was giving some friends a tour of the house, when we came into a huge open plan bedroom & bathroom with lots of sexy people hanging out. Most were naked and wet, I assumed they were just getting out of the shower, which could hold 10 people easily. On the other side of the bathroom was a claw foot tub with someone (a guy) in it and it was full of small, multi colored balls made of some sort of gelatin, both the size of a small marble.
One of the hosts said “Put your hand down into the tub, you have to feel this, it is awesome”. As several of us felt the jelly like substance, the naked guy in the tub reached up to shake my hand and said “Bob, you may not remember me, but we met in the bathroom at the Burlesque show a couple of months ago. I just want to thank you so much for getting us to Colette that night. It has changed our life and we are loving it.”
“Anytime”, I said, and I watched him smile as the rest of our tour (all ladies) reached deep into the tub, and his smile only got wider.
What are some of your websites our readers can check out to learn more?
Couples Cruise (800-304-4493), French Connection Events, Already Booked, and Tess & Bob.
