By Jackie Melfi | OpenLove101

One of the most common questions people ask me about open relationships is this: Do lifestyle couples cheat less than monogamous couples? It’s a fair question, because from the outside, non-monogamy can look like blurred lines and temptation. But in reality, the foundation of consensual non-monogamy is very different from the secrecy that often defines cheating.

What Cheating Really Means

Before we can answer the question, it’s important to define what cheating actually is. For me, cheating has always been less about the act and more about the deception. It happens when one partner does something outside the relationship without honesty or consent. That could be sexual, yes—but it could also be emotional. At its core, cheating is a betrayal of trust.

In open relationships, trust and honesty are the foundation. Couples talk openly about their desires and agree on what is and isn’t acceptable. That doesn’t mean mistakes never happen, but it does mean the framework is built to prevent secrecy from creeping in.

The Role of Jealousy

People sometimes assume that jealousy is what drives cheating. The truth is, jealousy exists in every type of relationship—monogamous or non-monogamous. The difference is how it’s handled.

In my relationship with John, if I feel jealous, we talk about it. We explore what triggered it, what I need in that moment, and how we can move forward together. Instead of letting jealousy turn into suspicion or resentment, it becomes a chance to deepen trust. In that way, jealousy can actually strengthen the relationship instead of pushing us toward dishonesty. 

Let’s not ignore that what we might define as jealousy could also be a red flag. In an open relationship both partners are important objective members of the same team. We might see something in a play partner that doesn’t sit right. Being able to bring the information up to our partner is valuable and another way of building trust within the relationship. 

Boundaries and Agreements

Another important element is boundaries. In consensual non-monogamy, couples spend time talking through their limits, desires, and expectations. We decide together what counts as a breach of trust. For one couple, it might be engaging with someone they’ve agreed is off-limits. For another, it might be hiding conversations that should be shared.

What matters is that those agreements are discussed and understood. Breaking them isn’t just “bending the rules”—it’s crossing a boundary, and yes, it can feel just as painful as traditional cheating. That’s why communication and accountability are so crucial.

Clearing Misconceptions

I’ve learned that many misconceptions about open relationships come from the outside looking in. To someone unfamiliar with the lifestyle, the idea of being with multiple partners might seem like cheating by default. But that perspective misses the heart of consensual non-monogamy: transparency. Lifestyle couples aren’t sneaking around. They’re being intentional, honest, and respectful.

Often, the harshest critics are simply projecting their own fears or insecurities onto a relationship structure they don’t understand.

So, Do Lifestyle Couples Cheat Less?

The honest answer is that there’s no hard data to prove it. But what I can say is this: when couples in the lifestyle practice clear communication, respect boundaries, and face jealousy with honesty, the conditions which usually create cheating are far less likely to take root.

At the end of the day, it’s not about whether a relationship is monogamous or non-monogamous. It’s about the quality of the communication and the strength of the trust. That’s what determines whether a couple thrives—or struggles.

And in my experience, when honesty is the norm, love has the freedom to grow.