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Ask John & Jackie: How To Handle Jealousy As A Lifestyle Newbie

By October 26, 2020 Uncategorized
Visiting a Swingers’ Club

Dear John & Jackie, 

I’ve been seeing someone for about 2 months. I’m new to the lifestyle scene… The most difficult part I’m struggling with is jealousy. The thought of my bf with someone else, at times is a turn on… other times I’m in tears over it.  Also, I know he REALLY wants me with another woman….but once again, something I’ve never done— sometimes the thought is hot, other times not so much.  

When I attempt to discuss my feelings with him, he gets frustrated.  I’m trying to be open and communicate…. but when he gets frustrated, I just shut down.  

I want to be able to do this…enjoy it with him and others……. but again, jealousy is my biggest obstacle at this point.  

Thanks for your help! 

New To The Lifestyle


Dear New To The Lifestyle,

I want to share a story with you about the very first time I agreed to a threesome (MFM) with John.

John and I had been dating for several months and had talked about bringing my fantasy of a MFM threesome into the realm of reality. I point out the part where we had dated for months because during the course of our early dating, I agreed and then backed out of several threesome dates John scheduled for us! Like you I would have moments where I thought I was all ready to experience being with my partner and another person, only to get cold feet the closer it came to the date. Fortunately for me, John was uber patient. He understood that even though I was excited about the concept of a threesome, my brain hadn’t quite caught up to such an open relationship approach. I had to take into consideration all the years of indoctrination I had about how a relationship was supposed to look. It took me a minute to dismantle the monogamous platform from which I’d been trained to stand. John gave me the space from which to yo-yo back and forth until one night I realized that the only way I was going to find out whether I would even like a threesome was if I gave myself permission to try it!

I mean it was like an Aha moment! I pulled up my courage and my confidence and told myself, “look sister, you know you want to try this! Own the decision and own the results! Take the reins of your life and spread your wings!” I figured either way, whether I ended up liking the experience or hating it, at least I would know! For some reason that night I was ready to accept the responsibility of my choice. MY choice!

I told John I was ready for the threesome we’d spent months discussing. He made arrangements and off we went. Long story short, I had a fantastic experience! I was so energized by my choice and by my courage that when our play time ended I walked out a different woman.

You wouldn’t necessarily think a threesome would be so life changing, but for me it was. I learned to speak up for myself. I learned to question my own belief systems. I learned to never prejudge what I “think” my response (or reaction) might be. I learned to stop spending so much time wondering what might happen if I did this or that, and got busy doing it so I’d have my answer!

What else have I learned in my almost 9 year journey through my open relationship? I learned I like threesomes! I like seperate play. I also learned that while I appreciate the beauty of women, being with women isn’t something I gravitate towards, but I only learned this because I took the time to find out! I also learned that every single one of my choices was okay.

Now in regards to your partner’s frustration, I can’t say one way or the other where the frustration is stemming from without getting his side of the story. I do know though that open communication is vital in any relationship model, so if you are coming up against a roadblock, the two of you might want to schedule time to visit with John and I through our Openlove101 site.


You’ve got this!



  • carib says:

    hey double JJ

    always informative and helpful. i appreciate the excitement and caring sexual suave you use in transmitting your open book stories. they are real and transcend past the keyboard. your stories really gives the reader your individual personal experience that only the truth, through love can convey. you speak with the care and love that only a mother can speak, yet you narrate experiences that fits the likes of a sex driven demon goddess. your openness is uncanny as i imagine is your vulva :)- (just found it sounded poetic)

  • Bernie & Lynn says:

    Dear Jackie & John,

    My gorgeous, loving bride, Lynn, of five years (together for eight) and are strongly considering the “opening of our bed” to other couples.

    We are both on the sunny side of 50 years old, professionals, attractive, and athletic; even working out together while challenging one another. She’s my best friend – likely the best I ever had! I’m a extremely fortunate guy. Our sex life is very healthy – ever evolving and exploring. In fact, I never knew sex could be SO GOOD until I met Lynn.

    Nonetheless, we have both been married before, and both brought “baggage”
    into our relationship to include damaging insecurities. We have been in and out of marriage counseling for the past four years, and some of our “fights” would quickly (and undoubtedly) drive even the strongest marriages to divorce court. Not us, and now the curiosity of “the lifestyle” has us taking a trip to a swingers resort. Those that know us closely would quickly tell us we’re both “nuckin’ futz!”

    However, I can tell you that since making the decision and booking the trip, our relationship has never been stronger – we are both in agreement. The reason drives to some of your points – honest conversation and communication! Simply opening up with our feelings, fears, and desires!

    We both still have reservations, and we are discussing boundaries without any expectations of compromise; I would never want Lynn to compromise for me and vice versa. I hope and pray we are on the right track, and welcome any advice you may have.

    I tell you (and John) all this to explain the gratitude Lynn and I have for your articles and organization. Additionally, I want others couples that might be considering “the lifestyle” know – y’all may be amazed at what happens to your relationship as a result of simply talking about “things” with your partner. My personal opinion – patience is “key” – and not always easy for (especially) me!

    We’ll let you know how things play out on the backside (no pun 😉

    And we may have a few questions as we prepare to embark.

    Thank you for what you do!

    Bernie (& Lynn)

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