John and I had talked at length about having a threesome with another man. He spent a great deal of time trying to reassure me that not only would it be a huge turn on for him, but that making my fantasy come true was something he wanted to do for me! He attempted to make arrangements, but I struggled with trusting the situation. I wanted to try it but struggled with thoughts like, would John actually stay with me if I did something like that? What about my own perception of being involved in something so wild and crazy! I mean, I was raised in a conservative, Christian household…would I even be able to follow through? What if I went up in a flame or turned into a pillar of salt? These were the thoughts I contemplated.
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After plenty of contemplation and months of discussion I finally gathered the courage to take a leap of faith and agreed to meet a gentleman we found on a social website.
We made arrangements over the phone with the gentleman and the next thing I knew John and I were on our way to meet him! I remember being excited…I was going to be able to fulfill my fantasy! I was also fighting nerves and the fear of possibly not only losing the man I loved more than anything but, how would I feel about myself afterwards? I decided in the car that I was willing to take responsibility for whatever happened, whether it turned out fantastic or not so fantastic. After all this was about me spreading my wings and grasping hold of my own life!
When John and I arrived, we were greeted by the gentleman and exchanged introductions. I knew I would be able to follow through at that moment. I had decided that regardless of John’s reaction (even though I hoped it would be positive) I needed to do this for me. To feel my power, my life, my energy!
I have decided not to go into all the sweet specifics of what happened next, all the “50 Shades of Grey” details, because even though that part of the experience was mind blowing, (besides I may decide to write my own book someday) it was what happened afterwards to myself and my relationship with John that really sealed the open lifestyle for me. To say that the menage a trois brought John and I closer is an understatement. For one thing I was honestly unprepared for how positive the whole experience was. The love and energy created between John and I within that setting was electric. How was it possible to step outside of the monogamous stronghold I had been taught all these years, yet feel such incredible amounts of love and commitment for my partner? My head was spinning!
It wasn’t until John and I said our goodbyes to the gentleman and were on the way home that the evenings events began to sink in. Yes, we were excited by what had happened, yes, we definitely had lots of feel good endorphins surging through our system. But it was more then that, we had stepped off the edge hand in hand with each other. We had dared to experience something together that was outside the norm, to create a unity and vulnerability through loving open.
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