So I have a diary that I write in daily. It records the days activities, from the mundane (made smoothies) to the exciting (we bought a new car!) Not only do I keep track of our location (we do quite a bit of traveling) but also the number of times we have sex on any given day. I am able to look back on the year and track our sex life numerically in addition to patterns. I notice that at times our love making can be routine. Not that there is anything wrong with this as it releases dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin which of course makes us all feel at peace, but it can be easy to habitualize sex. Yes, even swingers can fall into this trap.
Life can become automatic if we don’t pay attention…remember sex should become routine not be routine.
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I believe because I have taken an interest in my sex life, my sex life has been enhanced. I have learned through reading my diary that it is imperative that I be present each time I make love to my partner. It can be so easy (especially for women) to be physically present but mentally absent while making love, but I’m here to remind you (and me) that when we do that we miss out not only on the intimacy created but in the release of tension, stress, etc. that sex can and does provide. Instead of thinking about the laundry, or the kids, or what you will make for dinner, or all the other countless topics allowed to enter your consciousness, try taking a deep breath, closing your eyes, and give in to the experience of each caress shared between you and your partner. Remember this isn’t just sex for one of you it is invigorating to you both!
Not only can it be easy to be absent mentally but as I wrote earlier making love can fall into a “rut.” John and I are really conscience of switching it up. Sometimes we will make love first thing in the morning (nothing better then an orgasm before even climbing out of bed) I find it a beautiful way to begin the day. We also partake in afternoon delight. Making love in the middle of the day can really create a different perspective, from the way the light shines through the window onto your partner to the energy level of both you and your partner (you are typically not “exhausted” from the day yet). We also take turns “pleasuring” each other. This “pleasuring” has for me been the biggest hurtle because I grew up being taught that sex was important to a man and sort of the woman’s obligation to provide it, never being taught that it is just as important for the woman. Being able to dump that misguided “file” in my head and truly embrace my own sexuality has provided me not only with a new lease on life but my partner benefits as well!
So if you’re looking to try something different for the new year, why not try implementing a healthy routine of sex and you will reap the benefits of this diverse habit 🙂
John and Jackie Melfi are in a consensually non monogamous marriage. They have been featured in ABC News Nightline Special Report “Getting Naughty In N’awlins”, Inside a New Orleans Swingers Convention, and CNN “This Is Life” with Lisa Ling. The Melfis are the force behind the industry famous colette swingers clubs in New Orleans, Dallas, Houston, and Austin. With over 20 years of combined experience, this powerhouse couple coaches thousands of singles and couples through their award winning blog Openlove101.com.