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Swing Lifestyle Pride – Being Your True Self

By January 24, 2017 August 14th, 2017 Swing Lifestyle Videos

John and Jackie discuss their feelings on being outspoken in the lifestyle community. It can be a touchy and secretive subject with friends, family, and work, but let’s talk openly about it in today’s video.

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  • Ben Piper says:

    Great job guys.

  • Wow you guys! Does this video-blog hit squarely between the eyes and through the heart… OR WHAT!? Hahaha!

    Ugh… John, I must admit you are right, or right to at least encourage everyone to be true/truer to themselves if not just being all out there. I am in the same social-occupational dilemma sometimes/often because of my job or a field I’m working my way into. The “path of least resistance” sometimes looks attractive. Yet, one of my all-time favorite mantras I repeat to others (and to myself!) in the same quandry is:

    Patterning your life around other’s opinions is nothing more than slavery.” — Lawana Blackwell

    That said, I have indeed been a victim of two discrimintory acts in the work-place and then from my divorce by the ex-wife. The former has been in hiring practices and employee evaluation practices in public school districts, and the latter through child-support (hyper)enforcements pushed by the ex-wife in the Attorney General’s Office. These two combined discriminations seriously affect(ed) my livelihood; no doubt about it Jackie, as you alluded to. Therefore, I do indeed understand the meaning behind, “Pick your battles” on YOUR terms as best you can. Those in the LGBT community understand this posture, especially in a state with “At Will” labor laws like Texas.

    I’ve come to my current conclusion of my personal life and activities are private/personal when dealing with people in power-influential positions that likely will not or cannot be sufficiently open-minded socially to accept me (and my partner/spouse) exactly the way we are! If our private life-activities DO NOT affect my job performance, then it SHOULD be absolutely a mute point! Emphasis on “should.” However, in complete social settings, i.e. not work related, then I am a lot less guarded, sometimes not at all. The bottom-line is this: At some point in time anyone, especially someone very dear to my heart or potentially partner(s)/spouse… WILL see, feel, find, experience the hardcore real me. Period.

    Perhaps the decision to be fully transparent is fluid, in degrees relative to circumstances and others? But all through that process or POSSIBLE process John, I am unwavering as to exactly who I am and want to be known. I am indeed building my legacy, take it or leave it world!!! Hahahaha!

    Another superb video-blog guys!

  • Jackie Melfi says:

    Greetings Professor,

    Thank you so much for sharing such insight and vulnerability about your own experiences with being a swinger. You are another perfect example of why John and I have created Openlove101. When you talk about some of the issues you came up against whether in work or your private life, I am driven even harder and even more committed in dispelling so many of the stereotypes associated with those in a swinging relationship.

    Like you pointed out, when I am out and meeting people, I’m not saying, “Hi, Im Jackie, and I’m a swinger!” Anymore than those in a traditional monogamous relationship person would say, “Hi, I’m so and so, and I’m monogamous!” But I do think it is important to point out that even if someone did introduce themselves in this manner, it shouldn’t affect how I view them as a person. Now I could say, this wouldn’t affect me because I know and have experienced a monogamous relationship. But what if someone were to come up and say, “Hi, I’m so and so and I practice Relationship Anarchy!” Now right off the bat I wouldn’t know what they meant, or maybe I had even heard something negative about this type of relationship model. Would this lack of information give me grounds to dismiss this person simply because they are involved in something I maybe have no knowledge of or negative hearsay about? I would like to think instead of turning away from this person, I would do 1 of 2 things. The first would be to allow some education. You never know what you might learn if you stop and listen. The second thing would be to see the person from a much deeper level than what they practice. To form a friendship based on who they are. This same premise should also hold true in the work place. Again, I’m not saying you are going to be talking about your relationship preference in a job interview, nor should it have a bearing. Unfortunately though it does end up having a bearing for so many in the lifestyle. There are so many couples who are striving for a relationship steeped in trust and honesty, yet they have to lie about it in order to keep a job or their kids or maintain relationships with family. This is the part that bothers me the most. That’s why I think the perception of swinging is what needs our attention, and this is what I hope to do each time we post a video or blog on Openlove101. Thanks again for such honesty and transparency, you are a wonderful example of the confident swinger!

  • Crystal Campisi says:

    Mortal sins for Catholics include killing, stealing, and infidelity. Engaging in any of these would be against their faith, and they would need to be treated sensitively. While I understand John’s need to “be himself and not deny who he is”, as soon as he answers the question “What do you do for a living?”, he is defending something that is a mortal sin in the Catholic (and maybe other) religions. I’d like to see a discussion about how you can talk about this more sensitively, but not leave them out of the conversation entirely. This is precisely why I’ve never been able to tell my Mother that my husband and I are swingers.

    • John Melfi says:

      H​i Crystal!

      By stating who I am and what I do does not require a defense. It’s a statement of fact. It’s up to the person that I tell to either accept it or not. It’s their choice if they want to continue to be my friend or loving parent. If they want to judge me based upon their belief system, that’s their prerogative.​

      I do understand why many people don’t share who they are with the people they care about. I get it. I’ve been there. I’m not trying to change people or encourage them to be more open. I’m just sharing my experience and the positive outcome in my life by being more open and honest. Sure I’ve had some negative reaction…companies choosing not to do with business with me and ‘friends’ that decided to move on, but the positive reactions have by far outweighed the negative ones. My adult son Ryan, for instance, is more open and honest with me. He is able to talk to me about anything without worrying about whether or not I will judge him. It is a fantastic relationship. A relationship built around unconditional love. Learning how to love unconditionally, pass it on and feel that love in return is one of the greatest benefits of our lifestyle, and I am so happy to see that Ryan lives his life this way.

      I love the conversation that these comments foster. Thanks so much for commenting and following our blog!!!

  • Antonio says:

    Some people around us will care less about if you are a bad person or bad citizen than if you are swingers !!
    the fact you are not having the same sexual pattern is making you looking like depravate and with no moral !
    in fact most of the time it is because they would like to try but they are too blocked in their mind !
    pls continue to do what you do
    kind regards

  • Tom says:

    Time, it is just going to take time for swinging to become more of an accepted main-stream practice. It is already moving in that direction in that you see more couples NOT getting married and just living their lives together. Polyamory is becoming more of a popular subject and is even the topic of television shows that show how the lifestyle works. Women are becoming more and more independent and able to openly be more sexual like men have been. These things are going to help solidify swinging and open relationships in the next couple of decades. Swinging and the negative connotations that people have about it are similar to how people used to view homosexuality and although you still have some folks who have issues with homosexuality, it has definitely become more common and accepted in general. This is what will happen with swinging, just makes me wish I could have been born right now so I would be of sexual age right about the time it will be an open practice.

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