Ready to visit a swingers club, but you have no idea what to expect or what’s expected of you? Since John and I own swingers clubs we’ve put together this top 10 list to help couples and singles explore their wild side!
Also, we have a special bonus at the end for you to download your FREE copy of our comprehensive Newbie Lifestyle Club Guide!
1. Visit the swingers club’s online site:
Most clubs are going to have an online website for you to visit. This is a great way to get a sneak peek into the club and figure out general information regarding what the club has to offer and their rules. Do they have any upcoming theme nights? I know from a woman’s standpoint I want to know the dress code before I attend a new venue. Be sure to check out if they take credit cards or are cash only, what nights the club is open, and the hours. Look at pictures online of the club to be sure it’s what you are looking for. There are many types of clubs: bars, nightclubs, house parties. From the photos you should be able to tell if the club has the atmosphere you’re searching for.
2. Allow yourself time to acclimate once in the swingers club:
This step is important! Sometimes coming into a swingers club can be a bit of sensory overload. The surprise isn’t so much about all the other couples or singles in the club, but about the reality of the atmosphere compared to what your imagination conjured up. This is my favorite part of seeing a new couple come into the club–one of them (typically the woman) is a little apprehensive in the beginning, but as the evening progresses she relaxes and ends up having a spectacular time! This is another reason why spending the time going over what you do and don’t want to do on the first visit is so vital. Sometimes saying, “let’s just go check it out, we don’t have to play on our first visit” is a good idea.
3. Respect the swingers club’s rules:
Protecting our patrons is of the utmost importance. Most clubs, when visiting for the first time, will go over the club rules with you in addition to taking you on a guided tour. The club has these rules in place so everyone will feel secure and to ensure the best experience possible for those in attendance. The staff will answer questions and some clubs will have “host” couples (seasoned swingers) who are also available to answer any questions in addition to welcoming the “newbies.”
4. Hygiene:
Your night might very well end with physical intimacy, whether with your partner or someone new, so being conscious of your body and appearance is something you will want to pay special attention. These steps while seemingly obvious, are sometimes missed:
a) fresh breath (teeth brushed, mints, mouthwash)
b) clean body (showered, deodorant)
c) being prepared (condoms, lube)
d) clean hair (styled, rubber bands to pull it back)
Remember it’s about being at your best!
5. Setting up and respecting your own rules before entering:
Not only is visiting a swingers club new and exciting, it also offers a great line of communication between partners and internal conversation for single people. One of the topics that should be discussed is what the comfort level is of those attending. For those of you who are single, spend some time getting to know what you are comfortable with doing (or not doing). The same goes for couples. The biggest point to remember is to honor and value the comfort level and requests made by your partner or yourself. It is also important to point out that these rules and guidelines can be fluid–what you may not feel comfortable with doing right now may change into something you decide you do like down the road. Again, it’s about communication and trust. One of the misconceptions of swinger clubs is they are these wild and crazy orgies, where no one’s boundaries are respected. That is so not the case! Swingers actually spend quite a lot of time setting and reevaluating rules and guidelines so everyone involved comes away with an enhancing experience.
6. Get to know your play partners:
Sometimes just being in a swingers club is enough to throw people off their game. Some will have this perception that sex is the only thing of interest to the people inside. So, instead of trying to get to know others, the conversation will go something like this, “Hi, my name is so and so, I’ve been told I’m great at pleasing women. I would love to please you.” I just want to say, “are you kidding me?!” The first thing I try to tell new people is our club is no different than any other place you meet new people. Just relax and get to know everyone. Swingers are members of society. They have families, jobs, goals, car problems, and family issues. The one difference is they have decided to enhance their union through playing with others. To me, the friendships gained through these conversations have been at times just as inspiring and enhancing as the sex.
7. Drink responsibly:
I can’t think of a worse way to end what could have been a great evening by consuming too much alcohol. To much of a good thing can really get in the way of a successful sexual encounter. I looked up the effects alcohol has on men and women.
Did you know alcohol is a depressant? Did you know alcohol tends to have deleterious effects on male sexual performance? Did you know women have a higher percentage of body fat and less water in their bodies, and therefore, alcohol can have a quicker, more severe impact? Did you know women’s bodies take longer to process alcohol; more precisely, a woman’s body often takes one-third longer to eliminate the substance? If you find alcohol is starting to dominate your evenings out, why not put in place a “sober” swing night and see what happens?
8. Respect the rules of others:
Once you have located a couple or single you click with, at some point during the evening the conversation may shift to venturing into the playrooms. People don’t usually carry a list of their rules and guidelines and then exchange those rules with potential partners. No, usually this conversation will naturally progress once the topic of sex is broached. I find it happens pretty naturally, the simple sharing of experiences and what partners or singles like or dislike. When a rule or guideline is shared it is important to make a note of it and not cross or disrespect the rule. Swinging is about trust, and not just trusting your partner, but trusting other partners as well.
9. Respecting the playrooms:
Our clubs has several different play areas. Semi-private rooms enable people to play in an area where they can be discreetly watched by others. We also have private areas, and as the name implies, these are for people who prefer not to be viewed. Our clubs also offer a voyeur room–this room enables a group setting, where several couples can enjoy and experience a multilevel sexual encounter together. The playrooms are just that, a place to play. These areas are not for loud conversation or encroaching in on someone’s play space. It’s an area where the club rules and the rules of the people playing should be respected. Each of these areas has separate and distinct rules to ensure the safety and respect of all our patrons.
10. Playing clean and safe:
So here you are, you have ventured into a swingers club, met some fantastic people, clicked, and are now in the playrooms ready to take the experience to the next level. Just like with hygiene, we want to offer the best of ourselves. This is why condoms, female condoms, dental dams, gloves, or no sexual penetration with anyone other than your partner can be ways to protect against infection. Our club offers what we call “intimacy kits” which include a condom along with other goodies.
Remember, these experiences are about growing and expanding yourself sexually as well as emotionally. So whatever your comfort level, remember this is all about what you make it–so make it great!
Download your FREE Newbie Lifestyle Club Guide
John and Jackie Melfi are in a consensually non monogamous marriage. They have been featured in ABC News Nightline Special Report “Getting Naughty In N’awlins”, Inside a New Orleans Swingers Convention, and CNN “This Is Life” with Lisa Ling. The Melfis are the force behind the industry famous colette swingers clubs in New Orleans, Dallas, Houston, and Austin. With over 20 years of combined experience, this powerhouse couple coaches thousands of singles and couples through their award winning blog Openlove101.com.