was successfully added to your cart.

Cart

A Swinger and the Transgender

By June 21, 2016 August 14th, 2017 Swing Lifestyle Articles

Swinger, open relationship, lover of nude beaches, owner of swingers clubs. If you look at my life, I appear to be exposed (no pun intended!) to a wide array of options for how one chooses to define their life or lifestyle. To a great extent this is true, but I also feel as though I live in a protected bubble. There are some lifestyles that I have never had the opportunity to learn about. Those who identify as transgender are one such group I have little knowledge. In fact, I have only recently had the chance to engage in a dialogue with a transgender individual.

John and I were attending one of our colette clubs. I noticed a woman nervously standing in the foyer of the club. The more I watched her pace back and forth, it dawned on me that she was transgender. I was captivated by her. I knew she was new to the club because she had received a tour, and I could tell she was nervous. As I sat on a nearby sofa observing her, I was reminded of the issue transgenders are currently dealing with—well, I am sure they have been dealing with it for some time in secret, but now it is big news—transgender bathrooms!

As I continued to observe this woman, I could not help but notice her mannerisms. They were so feminine. I know I sound incredibly naive, but the media makes it sound like transgenders are people whose only agenda is to wear men’s or women’s clothing so they can hide out in community bathrooms in order to commit a deviant act on some unsuspecting victim. This is not what I witnessed at all. I saw a woman attempting to broaden her life experiences. A woman who had worked up the courage to come out and see what our club had to offer.

After watching her pace for some time, I saw her take a deep breath and make her way to the women’s bathroom. Again, I watched and waited. Not a single woman came running out of the bathroom; they walked in and out without a care. When she finally emerged from the bathroom, she made her way over to a sofa opposite from me. This is when I saw her close her eyes while taking some deep breaths. This was my cue. Even typing this story recreates the emotions running through me that night. This was not some “dude” in women’s clothing; this was a nervous, yet brave woman stepping outside of her comfort zone in order to experiment all life had to offer.

I made my way over to her and introduced myself. Yes, this was her first time in the club. Yes, she was nervous. Yes, she was not sure what to expect. She and I sat there for close to an hour talking. I put my own fears aside and asked her questions about what issues she faces and challenges she battles as a transgender. She patiently answered my innocent questions. Not only is she dealing with her own body issues, but she also has to deal with what others will think of her body. How does she deal with the dilemma of telling a prospective suitor? When does she tell that person? Will they be offended? Will they feel as though she was not being honest? What happens if they become upset?

I quickly became aware of the incredible obstacles before her. Life can be difficult enough without throwing into the mix a gender identity issue. I began to realize that all she really wants is to be able to live her life just like the rest of us. She wants to experience those feelings of inclusion, that sense of belonging. What she wants from life is no different from what I want from life—to be happy, loved and secure.

As John and I sat there talking with her about everything from fashion to body image, I was struck by how dangerous fear can be. This woman was not a threat; the true threat is from those who navigate life with blinders, the ones who want to categorize anything outside the norm (whatever that is) as hazardous rather than educate themselves and overcome their own fears.

Join the Openlove101 online club and get exclusive contentprivate Q&As, giveaways, and more. No spam, JUST LOVE.

10 Comments

  • Ed says:

    Bravo Jackie! I was thrilled to see you address the issue. The same voices of intolerance that attack a person like your transgender guest threaten you and I as well. Thank you for reaching out to her. That’s the best of humanity.

  • Mister says:

    This is a very important issue to me. My wife is transgender, and we are open, but we shy away from lifestyle events because the scene isn’t always welcoming. Do you have any plans to make Colette more trans-friendly?

  • Rachael Bolton says:

    Thank you for writing this story! It was simply put… wonderful!!

  • Barrett says:

    That is a beautiful story,thank you for sharing. Fear is the worst,love and knowledge is freedom from fear. Yucky fear.

  • Rocket says:

    Thank you Jackie for creating a positive dialogue around the transgender issue. For those of us who claim to be “open” in our relationships, I can’t imagine how we could not embrace this form of sexuality.

    Fear of the unknown (or misunderstood) rules the life of so many people…even within the lifestyle. My wife and I have had many discussions about this recently and we would welcome positive experiences with those who identify as transgender.

    By the way, thanks to you and John for being at the club to welcome new people and make them feel comfortable.

  • Ro says:

    Why not have a night that invites transgender to come out. I would love to come out and party with that group.

  • Roxann McLane says:

    This is my favorite site!

  • Katrina says:

    A lot of men likes to explore new things for sex They find transexual or tranny are very attractive, sexy and fun. Obviously woman felt it the other way opposite reaction. If the transexual is around, the woman first action is to tell or warn her man that girl is man, it sounds like a annoying and not pleasant at all. I see woman acting like insecure and selfish. Sharing woman toilet, their eyes and mind is full of un answered questions. However this club staff are friendly an sociable owner.

  • Trouble2093 says:

    My wife and I have been talking about attending a transgender club. Neither of us are, nor do we intend on crossing THAT “ life change.” I, however, have been plagued with yearnings and fantasies about being with another man or a transgender. My wife is VERY aware of these things with me, as we talk about EVERYTHING freely. I am TRULY thankful to have such an AMAZING partner. So, we have been talking. Can ANYONE offer some suggestions, or counseling that I may use as we continue to go forward??

    • CaligirlSummer says:

      There are so many Trans people out there that would love to oblige your yearning. We aren’t hard to find. All of at different levels in our life experience and different perspectives. Try Googling us in your home town.

Leave a Reply

Your information (email) is private and will not be published with your comment. It's only used for notification purposes.