Swinging as a Threesome

Today I want to talk about an opportunity John and I had in expanding our relationship to include another.

It all started over a year ago, when John and I were traveling on a swinger takeover trip. While on the trip, we met a couple who was new to the lifestyle and the four of us really seemed to make a connection.

We ended up spending quite a bit of time with this other couple, and I remember being so excited about connecting with another couple sexually and emotionally. We relished the days we spent together and vowed to stay in touch.

Well, unfortunately, the other couple stopped dating, so they were no longer together. We did, however, maintain a connection with the woman. So when it came time to plan our next vacation we decided to incorporate her in our travel plans.

Through correspondence with our friend, we planned an almost week long adventure for the three of us. I was nervous initially, because we would be living in close quarters together. I worried about how we would all get along traveling and sleeping together. Yes, we would all be sleeping in the same bed! But, more on that later.

So John and I packed, boarded a plane, and made our way to see her. This was going to be groundbreaking, something that neither John nor I had ever done before. We would be sharing ourselves and our relationship with someone else for an extended period of time…how would it turn out? I was eager to find the answers.

This is what I found.

1. Relax in each moment enough to really experience your deepest emotion!

I know how difficult it can be to override the files in our head that tell us we are supposed to behave a certain way. Those files (at least my files, anyway) that tell us society will not be very accepting of certain behaviors. Those files that tell us we are to maintain some public decorum and manner, especially when dealing with anything even remotely close to physical displays of emotion. I remember the first time I saw our friend waiting for us at the airport.

Before I knew what was happening, I had wrapped her in my arms, overcome by the sheer joy of seeing her again. For a glorious moment I ignored those pesky files in my head and instead went with my heart. I didn’t worry what others would think, I relaxed and embraced the moment. And my joy didn’t stop with me, I was just as joyous to see the connection between John and this amazing, free spirited woman. There we were, the three of us honoring the connection between ourselves and respecting the love we felt for each other. I knew from this moment on, our vacation would be beautiful!

2. Jealousy can’t survive in a loving atmosphere!

We’ve all done it. We have all experienced those pangs of jealousy when we see our partner making googly eyes at someone else. But, have we ever really stopped to think about what we are actually feeling? Have we simply been taught we are supposed to respond this way? What would happen if we responded with love, instead of fear? I made the decision early on in the planning of this trip to be conscious of the love I emitted. Instead of responding to her company as society would expect me to (even encourage me to) and that is as a threat to my relationship, I instead embraced her and the perspective she would bring into an already strong, trusting relationship.

Besides, John and I trust each other and have communicated about what type of relationship we want. I know he honors our relationship as much as I do, and we don’t have to have the added pressure of making our partner restrict themselves emotionally from whatever situation they may find themselves. For instance, this trip. I know John has an emotional connection with this woman, I mean, I have an emotional connection to this woman as well.

Those connections don’t take away from the connection John and I have for each other, It doesn’t have to, as a matter of fact, it shouldn’t, we don’t have to choose someone over another. We can just feel what we feel and be secure enough to share those feelings in an honest, open, trusting environment.

This was more than a competition for some finite amount of love, this was just love. Love in all its wonder. The feeling of contentment when you are secure in what you are doing. When you enjoy the companionship of those you are with. The simplicity of knowing everyone involved wanted the best for everyone else. Bringing this woman into the folds of our relationship was actually going to (and did) create a much deeper bond between us all. How much we all would have missed had we spent our time comparing instead of embracing.

3. Love really does expand!

When we picked up the rental car at the airport, I climbed into the back seat and told our friend to sit next to John in the front. Initially she resisted but, I knew she would be familiar with the landscape and besides she could assist John with directions.

I can’t tell you how many times while sitting in the back seat I watched the two of them interacting with each other. It seemed so magical. The glances, the touches, the laughter, it was so easy. So loving. So natural. So honest.

It was such a new experience for me to see how inspiring relationships can be when we learn to let go. To let go of the control, of the fear, of the need to be all or nothing to anyone. I could really feel joy for the bond being created before my very eyes and what made it even more touching was every so often, John would reach his hand back to hold mine. A conscious effort by him to show me his love. As a matter of fact, everyone seemed much more concerned with making sure everyone else felt at ease and secure…we definitely didn’t want anyone to feel excluded…it was pure unconditional love at its finest.

4. Question everything!

Here I was on vacation with my husband and another woman! Years ago, this would have never even been a situation I would have entertained. Wouldn’t have even known it was a possibility. This would have gone against everything I had been taught growing up…it would have been wrong. It wouldn’t have fit into the neatly packaged religious and society accepted format in which a relationship with someone else would be considered successful.

But here I was, in a relationship that went against everything I had been taught and I was loving every moment of it. What I learned from this trip, was loving yourself and loving others comes from making informed and inspired decisions about how you want to live your life.

Regardless of what society says should be the norm. Becoming involved with and sharing your life with someone else is so much deeper than following the crowd. It is about taking two (or three or four) completely unique individuals and forging a connection through respect, honesty, honor, understanding, and above all love.

5. Learn to share!

John loves to cuddle all night long! Me, on the other hand, can snuggle for a little bit before I get too hot and have to move. Our friend on the trip, however, loved to cuddle. So it was perfect.

We would all climb into the king size bed. John and our friend would cuddle up together on one side of the bed and to my surprise (initially I had worried how we would all three sleep in one bed) I had at least half the bed to sprawl out in! I loved it! They were happy…I was happy. The end.

I love this little story because it is a perfect example of what it can mean when we share. This is another one of those surprising benefits of opening up a relationship to include others. Everyone has something special to offer and each new addition fills a spot. I can focus on the wonderful attributes John and I bring to the table in addition to those “cuddle” moments others can supply.

So, how did it turn out?

Better than I could have ever expected. The three of us traveled to new cities, we dined together, we hiked, we talked, we laughed, we cried, we supported each other, we encouraged each other to face our fears and to relax with love. I grew to truly love this woman and I greatly respect and honor the intimacy she and I built. She became a confidant, a shoulder to lean on, a best friend and we even shared our own cuddle moments…moments made even more profound because she loved us as well.

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5 Comments

  • Tammra says:

    Such a wonderfully beautiful moment in time! Thanks for sharing!❤️

  • Lowellj says:

    Nice, concise body, & structure in your message Jacquelyn. Very good job in your communication of, what must have been, full of unfamiliar emotional thoughts/feelings.

    It, also, doesn’t hurt that you are blessed with a partner who expresses his love openly & is familiar with the social dynamics relied upon on your trip.

    Life is for exploring! Never staying set in your way for too long; in this way, you can assure growth in your own life & the lives of everyone you care about.

    Welcome back…

    —Lowell

  • Nora says:

    I just read your blog about swinging as a threesome, and I was moved to tears. You write so beautiful, and dear Jackie, I admire you for oh so many reasons!! Tolerance, your openness, you are so willing to go in depths of all aspects of our feelings, and have the ability to see what they really are about. That incident when you faced your fears of hights, told me that is just how you work with fear. Impressive!! I learned alot from you on that!
    I love the way you stand as an exsample of all the good thing we open up to when we dare to not own our loved ones, but instead encourage them to be their true selves.
    The way you and John let me in to your lives will forever be an inspiration to me.
    I am so happy that you enjoyed our vacation as much as I did, and I am kind of proud that you inspire others to search for similar experiences. Because it was so fantastic!!
    You and John have the kind of relationship that really makes me want for that kind of honesty and freedom and love in every relationship I am in, towards friends, family, but specially towards anyone that could be that special one. It is sometimes scary, being open and vounerable, but so rewarding, and ends up strengthening me in a way I never thought it would.
    People are not judgemental, that is one thing I learned in my path towards being more open about who I am.
    Like my daughter, when she asked “where are you going to sleep?” when she visited us in the hotelroom -She was totally ok when I said we would all sleep in that one bed. We haven’t gone into the details, but we talked a little about our holiday and our relationship, and she said that she is no matter what proud of who I am, and that each persons search for happiness is their own business, and their own responibility.
    During our holiday, you know, I didn’t even think about that this was something out of the ordinary.. It is strange, because it is ofcourse out of the ordinary, but everything felt so natural, so easy and nice, and above all so loving!
    I am going to New Jersey between x-mas and new years. If you happen to be in the area.. please give me a wink, and maybe we can meet!
    Or if not, we will for sure meet again later on.
    Both you and John are forever in my heart!! I love you so so much!!!

    Best wishes for christmas, and a happy new year!!

    Lots of love and kisses, your friend Nora

  • Patrick says:

    Reverse the roles, where you’re driving the car and connecting with another man in the front seat, touching each other, gazing into each others eyes, cuddling all night and finally all going on vacations together. I’d wager to say the ending of the story would not be a happy one

    • John Melfi says:

      Hey Patrick…thanks for reading our blog and for your question.

      Our first experience in the lifestyle was a threesome with another man. It was incredible, for both Jackie and I. I loved being able to sit back and watch her move and being seeing how she is when she gets pleasure like that. Since then we have had other experiences where she has been with other guys, while I’ve been in the room and she has also been with men when I wasn’t around and she told me about the date when she got home. They have all been exciting experiences for me. It’s hard for me to describe in words how excited I get when she tells me that she is going on a date or having one of her boy friends come over.

      Jackie and I love each other unconditionally, and seeing the other get enjoyment out of life, even if it’s enjoying someone else’s company, brings us happiness and closer together. I know, you would think the opposite would happen, but that is not the case. I equate it to the feeling you get when someone you love, like a child or a sibling or a lover, accomplishes something that they’ve worked hard for and shares it with you. When they are telling you about it, they have a huge smile on their face. They are talking fast because they are so excited to share with you their accomplishment. The feeling rubs off on you. You are so happy for them. You are so proud.

      When it comes to enjoying your partner having sex or feelings for someone else we call it compersion. I love the feeling. I think her guy friends are great guys and I get along great with them. It would be a lot of fun to take a road trip with one of them. Jackie and I love having other people in our lives. Sharing our experiences with our friends adds to the experiences. It adds to the story. It expands our lives and spices up our sex life.

      I have never had so much fun as I have with Jackie exploring this lifestyle. I have watched her and another guy touching each other, gazing into each others eyes, and cuddling all night…I loved it! We haven’t gone on a MFM vacation yet, but I want to and I am very excited about giving it a try.

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