In this episode, John and Jackie from OpenLove101 dive into the misconceptions surrounding open relationships, particularly the frequent assumption that they equate to cheating. They discuss societal norms, the judgment they face, and the unique strengths of their 12.5-yearpartnership.
Sharing personal anecdotes and insights, they challenge stereotypes, promote understanding, and advocate for authenticity in all relationship dynamics.
00:00
we are not cheaters hey everybody it’s John and Jackie of openl 101.com Welcome to our show please go to openl 101.com sign up for our email list and you’ll be notified of videos like this blogs events that we’re attending etc etc thanks for being here Jackie what’s
00:27
our topic today babe this is gonna be a fun one I have a feeling that we’re going to talk a lot about this but it is why do people always assume you’re cheating if you’re in an open relationship I know it’s the silliest silliest thing and it happens all the time it’s impress yeah it’s with people
00:48
I know that I’m friends with that are in you know that are married isn’t that just cheating I mean no cheating is when people don’t know what you’re doing when you’re hiding something right when you cheat at cards you’re hiding the cards from other people that you’re slipping in there or
01:08
whatever it is and uh you’re not being honest about it then it wouldn’t be uh well it wouldn’t it wouldn’t be called the same thing at that point so you wouldn’t you wouldn’t yes if everybody knew what you were doing it would be very hard for them to say that you were
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cheating if they knew what you were doing I mean if if you were trying to cheat at cards but you came to the table with all of the cards laid out on the table they wouldn’t be able to you’re cheating like no I everybody SE I’m just playing by my own rules playing by my
01:40
own rules you know the relationship model in Western Society though is monogamous or at least that’s what they want you to believe that the that it that we lean much more uh sexually monogamous and um so to uce anybody into that kind of thought pattern I mean it it makes perfect sense
02:08
that people would claim that you’re cheating yeah like because because it goes against the relationship model that that uh you know we’re all trying to live live under and um so I don’t know it what gets me what gets me is that you and I have this open relationship and
02:34
you know we do we do these videos you know to help people but anytime we’re talking about our relationship which of course is 99% of the time when we do these videos it’s so interesting that on our YouTube so many comments are your relationship is going to fail you guys
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aren’t going to be married much longer you guys don’t love each other if you really loved each other you guys wouldn’t be doing this you it’s so interesting when you when you look at these comments in what we’re doing almost seems to be like such a threat that they want it to
03:13
fail like they’re hoping that you fail like I I hope that you guys don’t make it I hope that you guys fail you know let me let me let me Enlighten you to the fact that you’re two consenting adults but you obviously don’t love each other by my by my rules not by your
03:32
rules because I don’t care what your rules are all I know is that there’s this large rule that’s been handed out to everybody and if you’re not following it if you’re not following that rule then you’re against us I mean it’s a very it’s a very threatening kind of
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approach to us I think a lot of times I mean because who’s who would say that who would who would who would say I hope your relationship fails I mean what would cause somebody to do that like I can’t imagine telling somebody oh man your relationship is still GNA fail I mean that’s such a
04:13
that’s such a mean well it’s such a mean thing to say and then two it’s like well you’re not in the relationship so what do you care probably though I mean most relationships do fail well and we’re going to talk about that too you know what do what do we what does the conversation look like
04:31
if a monogamous couple fails well that is the thing I mean when people get married like I know people that got married recently and and I can’t imagine saying to them congratulations on your marriage you know it’s going to fail yeah well and I I’ve been married twice before and
04:50
those were monogamous relationships nobody ever was telling me while I was in the relationship that the relationship was going to fail nor when I got divorced were they saying well of course it failed because of the relationship model that you were in but in the relationship that I’m in with you
05:11
people have no qualms at all about telling me how it’s going to fail right like they they want it to fail because they it needs to solidify or or uh go along with what they what they believe and if what they believe is completely different you know from what I’m doing they need mine to
05:38
fail because if mine succeeds what does that mean about what they’re doing at least that’s what some people do it’s very some people I find it’s very hard for them to accept the fact that not everybody’s doing exactly what they’re doing and that just because that’s happening
05:56
means that they’re being judged somehow and it’s kind of nice to get past that that self- judgment like I can have whatever relationship I want to have with you and I really don’t care what any kind of relationship model anybody else has I mean why why do I care I’m
06:15
not in that relationship I mean I hope everybody enjoys the relationship that they’re in I don’t want anybody’s relationship to fail it sucks mhm and you know we talk about having expectations and I I I think you know for me I really try and live my life to the fullest one day at a time and enjoy
06:37
every moment I have with you regardless of the relationship model yeah and it’s with any relationship I really want to enjoy the relationship and I would hope that other I mean I I would wish that upon others too like have fun in your relationship in in in in business I’ve had some businesses
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that that didn’t last as long as I expected or maybe I didn’t make money with them a nightclub I can think of in particular but the staff made money I never saw that as a failure when I closed it down because I learned so much from it and I’ve spoken about other
07:11
relationships I had where I learned from the relationship into what whatever that is that makes people think that you can only be with one person for the entire lifespan and you have to stick that out I mean if if you do that’s great if if you’re happy yeah that wasn’t how my life went in
07:31
each relationship I’ve had I’ve learned something from it I’ve had great times and I had some times that weren’t so great in those and I think that’s pretty true pretty common for most relationships in spite of the the model the fact that I mean I think I mean our relationship has already last a long
07:47
time and it’s it’s I mean it’s better than ever now I don’t know what’s going to happen in five years I mean maybe you do meet someone else and or something happens in uh who knows I mean it’s with any relationship we just don’t know what’s going to happen day to day why do we
08:03
think we don’t know what the weather’s going to be in a week why do we think how do we know what’s going to happen in our business or our relationship you know it’s and when it comes to the cheating part that’s the part that really gets me like if you really sit
08:16
down with someone have them Define what the cheating is it’s about being dishonest with your partner and why wouldn’t being honest with your partner help the relationship become more successful and many of those people that tell us that I I wonder sometimes if they don’t feel as though like maybe
08:35
deep down they wish they’re they’re envious and wish they could have the same thing be in a relationship where it was more open or maybe they’re in a relationship where there’s no way they would be able to deal with it if their wife was with someone else or their
08:49
husband with someone else and I mean I have friends like that like there’s no way I could see oh I could ever do that that would mean I don’t love her that’s the only thing we get if you’re in this kind of relationship you don’t love your partner don’t well or or they they tattle on
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themselves we had another comment about you know the relationship is going to your relationship is going to fail um you know if you really loved each other you wouldn’t do this um what you’re really doing is just lusting after somebody else and it’s just that’s just
09:26
the physical and I want to be like EXC exactly it’s just the physical yeah I mean it’s almost like you’ve just you’ve just given your own answer to what’s going on I mean you’ve proven you’ve proven that there is such a thing as just having sex and then there’s something different
09:52
and it’s called love and it’s that’s the glue that holds our relationship together it’s not just the sex and I think that’s what can be become so confusing to people is because in a more traditional relationship model those two things are wrapped up so tightly together that
10:19
that they get fused almost you know if I’m having sex with somebody that must mean I love somebody or if I love somebody that’s the only person I’m going to have sex with but we all know that that is untrue we all know that’s untrue you can do those things are very
10:39
separate which is what enables you and I and the other millions of people that have chosen to be in open relationships know for a fact and that’s why these people stay married and that’s why um the relationship does work for them is because they’ve built something that holds them
11:03
together while also enabling them to have sex with other people to you know to see where that physicality takes them to see um you know and enjoy different things and just because I want to enjoy something different doesn’t mean that doesn’t mean that it is from a scale of less or more
11:30
it’s just different uh I I don’t have sex with somebody else because I don’t like having sex with you what’s interesting is I can have sex with you I can have sex with somebody else and then I can’t wait to get home and have sex with you right so it’s it it runs counter often times to
11:48
what we get you know what we are told by those outside of our relationship model is what we’re having and it’s another reason why I feel so such um a need to kind of dispel that I mean I know I’m not going to take it away completely people are always going to lean into the relationship model from
12:11
a protective standpoint I get it I understand that I mean I do the same thing with mine you know I get somewhat offended when somebody tells me oh your relationship is going to fail you know because you’re in an open relationship and I want to be like well it may it may it it
12:30
we may not be together just like I wasn’t together in my my monogamous relationship but I can guarantee you it’s not because the relationship model it’ll be because of the two people that are in the relationship exactly and then I think I think uh you know another kind of side note with with the
12:49
cheating is um is just kind of how we get viewed you know like we’re not in a serious relationship because we we do this as well or that people are going to be nervous about being associated with us because of what we I don’t know if they think it’s going to rub off you know
13:15
that’s the other thing like I’m so secure in the relationship that I’m in with you that it doesn’t matter who I hang out with what other relationship models I hang out with right because it’s not going to have effect on me so if you’re in a relationship model and you’re you
13:31
know uneasy about hanging out with people that are in open relationships I mean would you think people are going to think you’re in one I mean I I don’t hang out with other relationship models in fear that people are going to think I’m in those I don’t I don’t know I just
13:51
I guess I just don’t I I don’t get it and it this kind of you know you need to fall in line um and then that’s the way you’re going to be accepted and you know I mean that’s a power that’s a powerful message and we do that you know it’s a control thing we’re kind of a
14:10
communal animal so if there’s fear of us being excommunicated we’re not going to want to tip that boat yeah and being in an open relationship can be perfect food for those people to feed off of and the I mean there people their beliefs are so strong and what you know
14:33
why they’re in this and uh you know it’s about like many monogamous relationships are it’s it’s bigger than what than what we have down here on Earth in their mind and so I mean I I I can I kind of get where they’re coming from and based on what they believe okay
14:55
fine but also I think you know I would hope and it doesn’t happen I I would hope people wouldn’t be so judgmental and uh let people live and live the way they want to live and you know we end up fighting that and with what I what we do with clubs and things like that we fight
15:12
those things in court in you know in the public eye public forum we fight for what we believe because people do not believe some people do not believe what we do is right and yet they’ll be okay with or they seem to be okay with um someone not being faithful to their
15:37
partner and there’s something in the news just past couple days about someone that’s really well known and he was photographed a couple of months ago on a date with someone other than his fiance and it came out past couple days that he’s no longer with his fiance but they’re not like it’s not
15:58
like they’re bashing him in the the Press you know it’s but if I guarantee it if it were like he’d gone to some kind of a swinger event oh my gosh with his fiance that would have been that would have been horrible yeah yeah so it’s it’s you know and and and what’s interesting well not
16:23
interesting what’s poignant to remember is that John and I our relationship is much more parallel to a monogamous relation I mean we’re much more alike than we are different we have a few tweaks and a few things that we do that are different but the core of our
16:45
relationship pretty much mirrors anybody else’s relationship yeah you know I mean we’re committed to each other and that’s the you know that’s the thing when I talk about being committed to each other we trust each other we honor each other it’s so weird to me today it wouldn’t
17:01
have seemed weird to me 15 years ago but today it’s so weird that they think that how could you possibly have those elements in your relationship if you’re sleeping with somebody else right like you can’t have both of those things you can’t have your cake and eat it too and
17:20
my answer is always like well then why am I buying cake well there’s so many people that have proven that it does yes that it it does work I mean I think you and I’ve proven that it does work I mean we’ve been together at this point with this video 12 and a half years I mean we we
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get up every day and we’re we’re in the relationship we like to be in the Rel there’s so much more to the relationship than just the sex and that’s the other thing that I love is that’s it’s a an important component of our relationship and it’s something that I absolutely
17:55
love that we have but our relationship is so much more than that and it’s not a deal breaker and that’s the other thing that I love is we’re much more empathetic and acceptive accepting of each other as individuals um then we are trying to be this single unit we’re able to be
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partners but yet still maintain some autonomy um Independence and Independence and you know we can be encouraging of each other the things that would typically be a deal breaker in one relationship does not have to be a deal breaker in ours and I mean to me that’s that kind of seems like
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progress and you know if you uh would like to have more of this type of conversation but maybe more one-on-one yeah we have open L 101 plus which you can find a link to it on our website at open Lev 101.com and it’s a private group group we do private sessions and
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coffee time once a week with our members every other week we have like an hourong chat in the evenings where we can talk about specific things or whatever’s on your mind yeah so it’s a great thing so definitely check that out and send up for our email list at open love 1101.com
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and be notified of this video the blogs and events that we have coming up thanks for joining us today see you
Courtney is the Marketing Director for Openlove101 and colette Clubs.