First time having a threesome with your partner?
Worried or nervous about how you’re going to react to seeing them with someone else?
We know what that’s like because we’ve been in your shoes. In this episode, we explain how we felt having a threesome with each other as a couple for the first time.
Listen to this episode below, Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, or on your favorite podcast platform!
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John and Jackie Melfi are in a consensually non monogamous marriage. They have been featured in ABC News Nightline Special Report “Getting Naughty In N’awlins”, Inside a New Orleans Swingers Convention, and CNN “This Is Life” with Lisa Ling. The Melfis are the force behind the industry famous colette swingers clubs in New Orleans, Dallas, Houston, and Austin. With over 20 years of combined experience, this powerhouse couple coaches thousands of singles and couples through their award winning blog Openlove101.com.
Do you and your partner participate with the same individual or couple on more than one occasion? Or is it one time with each person?
Do you communicate/talk or build relationships with the third party outside of the threesome? Do you have any guidelines or rules as a couple for crossing a line with the other party?
Let’s see,
1) we have on occasion been with an individual or couple multiple times. We have also experienced one time interchanges.
2) Yes, we do have outside friendships with those who we have played with.
3) John and I do not have set rules or guidelines other than being open and honest with each other. We are respectful of our relationship as a whole, so we share any plans we make with others in advance.
I should add that number 3 took me a minute to grasp. I kept trying to operate our open relationship using a monogamous rule book. I kept wanting to associate others with some kind of personal deficit, you know, that old comparison teaching so many of us are brought up believing. With time and patience, I began to see the true benefit of all these other people. How each interchange increased the intimacy and security I had with John. I know the last sentence sounds totally counter to how most of us have grown up being taught, but I found through my years in an open marriage this increased intimacy and security to be true.
With us, it’s a community. We play a lot with the same people, rarely with one-timers. Of course we don’t know the first time we play if new people are going to be one-timers or the beginning of a longer relationship. We have the same kind of other relationships with our long term lifestyle friends as with our straight friends — helping them with moving, home improvements, etc…..
As for rules — lots of people start out in the lifestyle by thinking up a whole bunch of rules. With experience you figure out that most of them are unnecessary, and you forget them. The few that stick are usually your big comfort items, like not doing anal, etc.
— J.S.
I listened to the pod cast and I guess it works the same way if it’s another couple..
My Partner has the what if concerns.
What if I’m not good enough.
What if his partner is better than me.
What if my partner likes what his partner does.
The list goes on..
What if this or what if that..