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Ask John & Jackie: Finding Unicorns and Socializing Inside Swingers Club

By March 13, 2018 April 24th, 2018 Swing Lifestyle Articles

Today we have a double header with two curious Openlove101 readers writing in:


Dear John & Jackie,

Hello! Quick question/possible topic. My wife and i have had a couple encounters, we’ve always played together although we talked about her alone with another woman. We’ve had a lot of trouble finding the infamous “unicorn”. We’ve done 4somes with other couples and 3somes with another guy, but we’ve yet to find just another woman. Everytime we play we talk about our favorite parts, and each time it’s about her with the other woman and both her and the woman with me. How do we go about finding a “unicorn”?


Hello Unicorn Seeker,

Your right, this would be a great topic to touch on in Openlove101. Thanks for the suggestion. But to answer your question. I can think of three avenues off the top of my head.

1. Swingers clubs. It has been our experience as club owners that single women find swinger clubs a great and safe place in which to meet other like minded couples and singles.

2. Swinger adult social sites. For a monthly fee, you can join one of any number of sites (SDC.com, SLS.com, Lifestyle Lounge, Kasidie, and Quiver to list just a few) these sites enable you to fill out a personal profile, which is the perfect spot to enter your desire for unicorn play. I was actually rather surprised by how many women are taking advantage of these sites…you go girl! These sites come in handy when traveling as well, as you can let others know within the site that you will be traveling to a specific region.

3. Tinder. Yep, some of our best bets in finding single women has been through this dating app.

I’m sure this is just the tip of the iceberg…but it should get you started. Let me know if you find another means of securing a unicorn and I will be sure to add it to the list 🙂



Hi John & Jackie,

I’ve been to swinger clubs a few times as a curious observant and I’ve noticed that socializing or having an initial conversation with the other couple is almost a must, it’s part of the ritual, I guess. I’ve seen couples laughing and talking for quite a few hours before they leave. What is your advice for somebody like me, who is curious about the lifestyle but who is also a little introverted? I almost wish things were more “to the point”, not as much chit chatting required.


Dear No Chit Chat,

Thanks for writing in with such a great question. I think one of the biggest misconceptions about swingers, is their view of sex. The image more often than not, is that swingers are these sex crazed couples (or singles) who are only interested in having sex as often as possible, with little or no connection with their play partners.

It has been my experience that while you will have swingers who fit the above narrative, most swingers will want to get to know potential play partners before engaging in sex with them. This “preview” time can have all sorts of benefits.

For instance, maybe I am nervous about even being in a swingers club. The opportunity to adjust to the environment of a club by visiting with other club members, is a great way to curb any anxiety and can be that integral “ice-breaker” needed to put my mind (and body) at ease.

Another benefit to this social time is to find out through conversation, whether or not a potential play partner is even an option.

Some couples in a swingers club are not interested in playing with others. As an owner of swingers clubs, I have seen countless couples who attend our clubs, who never ever play with anyone other than their partner. Maybe they only play at home, or maybe the club atmosphere is enough to satisfy their desires.

But, I have been in clubs (especially internationally) where absolutely no talking takes place, so I can definitely relate to your thought about a more “to the point” mentality. One possible option, for creating a no talking zone, would be to become involved in one of many adult social sites (sdc.com, kasidie.com, sls.com…) online. These can be great ways in which to connect with others in your area for a rendezvous. Yes, you will still have SOME conversation, but it will be more online, so that when you do meet up, the introduction phase will already be complete.

Finally, you can always just go into a clubs play area (especially on a night where single men are admitted) and simply begin self play…I can almost guarantee, you will have people who will want to join in 🙂

Thank You,

Disclosure – Some of the links in this post are affiliate links.

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  • Lynn Moorhead says:

    These were both great questions, and I would also assume commonly thought about, if not asked question.

    Thanks as always, for sharing your great advice and insight.

    Lynn M.

  • Kari Wilson says:

    Hello John & Jackie!!
    I am so thankful for yalls “school” I was “introduced” into swingers/swappers ( is there such? ) lifestyle in my late 20’s early 30’s but still held to the if ur married you shouldn’t want/need anything outside ur marriage n if you do then you shouldn’t b married.. that was 19 years and 2 divorces ago… the 2nd ex is the one who exposed me to alt. Lifestyle options… I Was Born With a double cleft palate and double hair lip so I tend to be a lil on the shy side .. I say lil bcuz in the last 2/3 years I have come out of my shell so to speak and am active on pornhub and adultfriendfinder. I have experienced being with other women but find I’m more into men altho having a woman go down on me is fine I just can’t return the favor as I would much rather go down on a man. ..I want to experience DP or mayb even 1 for each hole but can’t seem to find any men that are open to the idea, I’m single and when the chemistry is rite very sexual… but self conscious at the same time even tho I upload videos to both the sites I’m currently on. .. I want to go to these swingers clubs in Houston,TX but at the same time I’m extremely nervous bcuz I’m not sure what to expect.. what would yalls suggestion be..

    Thank yall
    Kari, a newbie to a point…lol

    • Jackie Melfi says:

      Hi Kari,

      You are not the first person to have an element of fear about venturing into a swingers club. Heck, I had my own fears about going to one and my boyfriend at the time (my husband John now) owned them! All those preconceived images of some seedy sex fueled environment where I was going to be “initiated” into the world of swinging, flagrantly running through my mind. You can imagine by embarrassment when I realized how far off base my imagination had been. Since the first club I ever visited ended up being one of our clubs; http://coletteclubs.com/ I am somewhat bias, but OMG…I fell in love with the people, the atmosphere, the freedom of expression…the entire concept! The couples and singles frequenting the club were just society. I met long married couples who were just opening up their relationship. I met singles who had decided they weren’t going to fall for the narrow view thrust upon them…they wanted to try something different, to own and tailor make a life that brought them peace. I was in awe of the trust, honestly, and communication running rampant in these peoples lives. I always tell those new to swinging and new to the club, not to enter the club with any expectations. This is about dipping yourself in a new thought pattern, an environment in which your senses will be in overload…let it sink in. Simply marvel in the atmosphere.

  • James says:

    Sdc has a lot of unicorns. But, next time ask another couple. They sometimes will share a name or pass along your info to a unicorn. Heck we have 2 unicorns chasing us.

  • Sahaja says:

    Both are great questions that define the variety and variations of sexual pleasures that define the Lifestyle. The answers from John and Jackie are equally succinct and helpful to newbies as well as couples seasoned in the Lifestyle. As for the Unicorn question, ( how to find that elusive unicorn), we suggest that the couple do not overlook their own social network and contacts therein. Unicorns are not that rare but can be hard to find unless one is discreet in approaching the lady, that is a potential Unicorn. Particularly at socials and parties there are many single ladies present that are sexually liberated and open to a sexual relationship with a couple . Also, many swinger clubs admit single ladies for free or at reduced fee. This is an excellent venue to seek Unicorns. The trick is to identify the potential Unicorn without giving offense. We suggest a couple approach a lady who in your mind fits the bill based upon your perceptions about her and also prior knowledge. It is always best if a couple approaches the lady they have in mind and try to gauge her interest in a sexual relationship in a subtle manner. Once you have snagged the Unicorn there is no limit to sexual pleasures and variety a couple will experience in their encounter. There is also the possibility to invite a single male to add to the mix. One can then enjoy sexual variations including a DP (double penetration- two penises) to pleasure the ladies if the are so inclined. Once you have your first Unicorn, this thing can snowball as you get referrals to other ladies to enhance the sexual and social experience in manifold ways.

    Happy swinging and may you enjoy you sought after Unicorn for greater social and sexual fulfillment.

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