Today we have a double header with two curious Openlove101 readers writing in:
Dear John & Jackie,
Hello! Quick question/possible topic. My wife and i have had a couple encounters, we’ve always played together although we talked about her alone with another woman. We’ve had a lot of trouble finding the infamous “unicorn”. We’ve done 4somes with other couples and 3somes with another guy, but we’ve yet to find just another woman. Everytime we play we talk about our favorite parts, and each time it’s about her with the other woman and both her and the woman with me. How do we go about finding a “unicorn”?
Hello Unicorn Seeker,
Your right, this would be a great topic to touch on in Openlove101. Thanks for the suggestion. But to answer your question. I can think of three avenues off the top of my head.
1. Swingers clubs. It has been our experience as club owners that single women find swinger clubs a great and safe place in which to meet other like minded couples and singles.
2. Swinger adult social sites. For a monthly fee, you can join one of any number of sites (SDC.com, SLS.com, Lifestyle Lounge, Kasidie, and Quiver to list just a few) these sites enable you to fill out a personal profile, which is the perfect spot to enter your desire for unicorn play. I was actually rather surprised by how many women are taking advantage of these sites…you go girl! These sites come in handy when traveling as well, as you can let others know within the site that you will be traveling to a specific region.
3. Tinder. Yep, some of our best bets in finding single women has been through this dating app.
I’m sure this is just the tip of the iceberg…but it should get you started. Let me know if you find another means of securing a unicorn and I will be sure to add it to the list 🙂
Hi John & Jackie,
I’ve been to swinger clubs a few times as a curious observant and I’ve noticed that socializing or having an initial conversation with the other couple is almost a must, it’s part of the ritual, I guess. I’ve seen couples laughing and talking for quite a few hours before they leave. What is your advice for somebody like me, who is curious about the lifestyle but who is also a little introverted? I almost wish things were more “to the point”, not as much chit chatting required.
Dear No Chit Chat,
Thanks for writing in with such a great question. I think one of the biggest misconceptions about swingers, is their view of sex. The image more often than not, is that swingers are these sex crazed couples (or singles) who are only interested in having sex as often as possible, with little or no connection with their play partners.
It has been my experience that while you will have swingers who fit the above narrative, most swingers will want to get to know potential play partners before engaging in sex with them. This “preview” time can have all sorts of benefits.
For instance, maybe I am nervous about even being in a swingers club. The opportunity to adjust to the environment of a club by visiting with other club members, is a great way to curb any anxiety and can be that integral “ice-breaker” needed to put my mind (and body) at ease.
Another benefit to this social time is to find out through conversation, whether or not a potential play partner is even an option.
Some couples in a swingers club are not interested in playing with others. As an owner of swingers clubs, I have seen countless couples who attend our clubs, who never ever play with anyone other than their partner. Maybe they only play at home, or maybe the club atmosphere is enough to satisfy their desires.
But, I have been in clubs (especially internationally) where absolutely no talking takes place, so I can definitely relate to your thought about a more “to the point” mentality. One possible option, for creating a no talking zone, would be to become involved in one of many adult social sites (sdc.com, kasidie.com, sls.com…) online. These can be great ways in which to connect with others in your area for a rendezvous. Yes, you will still have SOME conversation, but it will be more online, so that when you do meet up, the introduction phase will already be complete.
Finally, you can always just go into a clubs play area (especially on a night where single men are admitted) and simply begin self play…I can almost guarantee, you will have people who will want to join in 🙂
Disclosure – Some of the links in this post are affiliate links.
John and Jackie Melfi are in a consensually non monogamous marriage. They have been featured in ABC News Nightline Special Report “Getting Naughty In N’awlins”, Inside a New Orleans Swingers Convention, and CNN “This Is Life” with Lisa Ling. The Melfis are the force behind the industry famous colette swingers clubs in New Orleans, Dallas, Houston, and Austin. With over 20 years of combined experience, this powerhouse couple coaches thousands of singles and couples through their award winning blog Openlove101.com.