Visiting a Swingers’ Club

Ask John & Jackie: Visiting a Swingers’ Club for the First Time

Dear John & Jackie,

Hello! I recently discovered your YouTube channel was blown away! So friendly! So kind! So real! Thank you for that! However, I do have a question that I can’t seem to find an answer for: My wife and I could soon be embarking on our first visit to a swingers club. I’ve been curious for years, but she remains apprehensive. What we have in common, though, is less of a focus on swapping and non-monogamy, but watching and possibly having sex in the open, with others having sex, but keeping to ourselves. This appears to be defined as “less than ‘soft swap’”, and I keep reading that “soft swap” is treated by many in the lifestyle only as the lead-up to “real” swinging. Will we be ostracized or looked down on for wanting to enjoy a sexually charged atmosphere, but not looking to swap? Will we be treated poorly or thought of as “tourists”? With our apprehension, that would only make things much weirder and more difficult, and we would like some advice on how to avoid that, if possible. Thanks again for everything, and I look forward to hearing back!



Dear Curious,

Thank you for your kind words. John and I gain such satisfaction in knowing our site is helping those who want to explore their sexuality.

To answer your question…rest assured we have TONS of couples who attend the clubs with no intention of ever playing with anyone other than their partner. Does this mean you won’t be approached by others? No, but it also doesn’t mean you will be ostracized either.

The club is a place in which to enhance your relationship and maybe even make a few friends along the way.


Hi John & Jackie

My husband and I have often talked about going to a swinger’s club.

We have a wonderful, secure relationship and our sex life is great when we have the opportunity.

While we are secure with each other, we’re not real secure with our bodies, which we are setting out to do something about. We are both in our 50’s, so being older is also a concern. We don’t feel like we’d be ready any time soon to actually participate in any “activities” but we would very much enjoy going to a club, checking out others and just enjoy ourselves be voyeurs, if you will. Is that allowed? We certainly don’t want to be the “creepy old couple” there watching others! LOL!

We are thinking of going out on a date to your club, but I guess I’m wanting to make sure we don’t have to participate in anything at this time. We may reach that point some day in the future, but right now, we want to check out a sexy place where we can enjoy ourselves with no expectations or unwanted pressure.

So with all that being said, what are “newbie nights” like?

Thanks so much for all the wonderful information you share.

Enjoying Each Other


Dear Enjoying Each Other,

Thanks so much for reaching out with your questions. John and I are both in our 50’s as well, so I understand where you’re coming from. It can be easy to think a swingers club is going to be full of hot young couples or singles. It can also be easy to think judgement will be in attendance as well. I am here to tell you that while our clubs do have their share of hot young couples and singles, the club is really much more a reflection of society. It has also been my experience that the clubs are inclusive driven…those in attendance want everyone else in attendance to feel at ease.

The club is a beautiful melting pot of ethnicity, gender, age, size, and kinks, but the one thing we do have in common is sexual expression and freedom. Rest assured when attending colette you do not have to engage in anything. We have all sorts of couples who attend who never engage in play with anyone else, they simply enjoy the environment the club provides.

Newbie nights tend to be smaller gatherings of couples and singles. This can be a wonderful introduction into the club as it gives you an opportunity to absorb the feel of the club without it being too crowded.

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