So you and your partner have dipped your toes in the swinger lifestyle, and Wham! Not only does it seem to be the missing link to the relationship, but has brought a whole new level of intimacy with each other. The two of you embrace the camaraderie it brings with other couples (and singles) and are having a blast exploring all the ins and outs of your sexuality. But, what happens when the swinging “well” appears to run dry? What do you do when you can’t seem to connect with others and the joy of swinging begins to feel more like a job search?

These were the questions John and I received recently from a reader, and we felt it was so important to touch on, we dedicated a blog on the subject. So, what would be some things swingers could do to help guard against those feelings of rejection?

Here’s one, for instance, if you are a swinger on an adult social site, you are still essentially on a dating site. A site with all the same issues, trials and tribulations associated with a regular dating site. There will be mountains of people to sift through in your search for the perfect person (or in the case of swingers, this could mean, the perfect couple.) So, what are a couple of things you can do to streamline the effectiveness of your online profile on any of the adult social sites?

1. Photos: Adult social sites will typically have options for personal photos to be posted on your profile. You can post pictures that will be available to the general online social site public, or you can elect to post private pictures, these are available only to those you give access to through private pass codes. This is all well and good unless all your photos are private.

Your profile might sound great, and can trigger interest from other members on the site, but remember most people on these sites (just like in regular dating sites) will have an initial interest geared more to the physical, i.e., how you look in your pictures. So, save yourself from possible “rejection” by making sure you have at least a handful of public photos for other members to view. This way when you receive contact from a fellow member, you will already know they are interested not only in your profile, but your physical attributes!

2. Expectations: Don’t have them! One of the biggest things I learned when first getting involved in the swinging lifestyle was not to overthink what was happening. If you approach this relationship option as a great way to connect with other couples (regardless of a sexual experience or not) you will come away with less stress and more friendships in the long run! When you are on an adult social site, the goal should always be to enhance the relationship you currently have with your partner.

Swinging is about deepening the bond and relationship with your mate. Yes, this deepening can come through additional sexual experiences, sharing each other with others, and enveloping compersion (joy in our partner’s joy.) The reality of swinging more often than not, is about time. The time involved with finding another couple or finding a single or weeding out couples or singles on your adult social profile. This all takes time, and yes, it can be discouraging. But, whether or not you are finding an endless supply of couples to play with or not, you always have a swinger available…your partner!

3. More than one profile: This may sound counter to what you are trying to avoid as far as swinging becoming work, but there are quite a few swinger social sites available. Maybe the site you are on, is not working to your benefit in the area in which you live. It has been our experience that adult social sites, though they can reach all over the US (as well as internationally) some will have stronger and larger populations in specific regions. Most adult social sites will provide a trial account, which gives you the chance to see what other sites have to offer. If all else fails, you can always ask fellow swingers which sites they have found to be most beneficial for them.

(If you’re not on an adult social site now, be sure to sign up below!)
What are some other ways to access swingers?

Swinger Clubs: If you are becoming disenchanted with your lack of contacts from your profile on a social site, you can always try out a swingers club in your area. These clubs are a great way to come face to face with any number of couples and singles who also see the benefits of a swinger lifestyle. Being able to connect in person can help in bringing you one step closer in sharing with others. John and I have seen what an asset our club, colette has had in the swinger lifestyle in both Dallas and New Orleans. But, as I said earlier, don’t go into the club with the only goal being to have a sexual experience with others, this can set you up for that feeling of rejection you are trying to avoid.

Meet and Greets: In this age of the internet, most cities will offer some sort of meet and greet, whether initiated by an adult social site, or even through a meetup.com site. I know John and I have a meet up through meetup.com in Dallas and in New Orleans every month or so at our club colette. We offer these as a way for those new to the lifestyle (and those actively involved) to get together and visit or touch on issues that may arise while opening up the relationship to encompass swinging. Our meet ups also provide members an opportunity to see the inside of a club, and to put to rest any preconceived notions they may have had as to what a swingers club was like. Being involved with these meet and greets have been one of the most rewarding experiences for both John and I.

Conventions: If you really want to mingle with thousands of other like minded couples, then a swingers convention might be just what you’re looking for! I know, John and I look forward to the Naughty in N’awlins every year in New Orleans. This year’s big convention will be held July 6th through the 10th and is full of festivities, workshops, seminars, plus days (and nights) full of celebrating the swinger lifestyle! Of course, this is just one of many conventions throughout the country, be sure and check your area for any upcoming events.

Swinger Vacations: What about a ship full of swingers? Yep, the lifestyle has them. Every year, countless travel companies catering to the swinger lifestyle, will have available any number of vacations. Last year, John and I had the privilege of joining literally thousands of other swingers on a takeover cruise.

Not only did we have the time of our lives, but we met and made some lifelong friends along the way. We have also gone on swinger river cruises and swinger safari trips, traveling deep into the Maasai Mara encountering mass migrations of some of the most beautiful wildlife you will ever see. John and I actually have a swinger take over trip of our own at Hedonism II in Jamaica this coming July. We are super excited about spending time with other like minded couples at this incredible destination! It will be great meeting some of our openlove101 readers and to see our members from colette in an environment where we don’t have to work. We are looking forward to be able to relax, lay out at the beach, sail and snorkel in the beautiful waters of Jamaica. It’s going to be a great time!

Regardless of whatever source you decide to use, whether you join multiple adult social sites or visit swingers clubs or decide to set aside some dedicated swinger vacation time, the end result should always be about building up the strength and steadfastness of your relationship. Look, everyone else is trying to do the same thing you are…connect with others. We all have fears from time to time, the trick is to not let our fear keep us from keeping on. If you are having any fears or becoming discouraged, talk to your partner. And partners, remember to listen! Be patient and reassuring and above all, love each other! Just because you have hit a dry patch so to speak, with finding another couple to connect with, doesn’t mean they are not out there. Just think, if you give up, you might be taking away from some other couple the opportunity to meet what you, as a couple, have to offer!