Ask John & Jackie

Ask John & Jackie: Convincing your partner to go to a swingers club

Hi guys,

My wife and I always talk about having a third play partner and I’m very excited about it but she holds back when I ask her about going to a swingers club, any advice about how to convince her?

Excited To Visit A Club


Dear Excited,

The last thing you want to do is make the suggestion of going to a CNM (consensually non monogamous) club seem more like a debate where you’re trying to “convince” a partner into attending. This can end up feeling more like coercion instead of a unilateral decision by the two of you.

If you’ve had conversations about attending a club, and nerves are taking over, then I would suggest watching one of our video’s about attending a club, reading one of my blogs or visiting a club website and viewing the interior, reading through the guidelines, and going over the general information about the club together.

Unfortunately, there is still a lot of stigma out there about going to a “swingers” club. I know for me, I was extremely nervous the first time I went to one. What I can tell you is I was completely surprised and almost a little embarrassed by all the crazy thoughts I had about attending. What I did find were dozens of amazing couples who only wanted to make the most of the relationship they were in with their partner.

Over the years I’ve made incredible friendships and have had some amazingly in depth conversations about how and why CNM works for so many couples.


3 thoughts on “Ask John & Jackie: Convincing your partner to go to a swingers club”

  1. Jackie & John: John, first of all take care of your precious wife. I only hope and wish mine was such as Jackie.
    NOW–Jackie–Bless you for such a brief and to the point article. As middle-aged (60’s) we are still contemplating attending a club even though its quite a distance for us. Being ONLY on social-security, how expensive is it to attend? We do realize its a BYOB and we certainly wouldn’t drink much–at least me. MY wife says she may have to ‘tie one on’ to do it.
    I want to enjoy whatever we do–both me and my wife–if we finally get to go and do anything.
    Thank you:
    Joe & Pauline (central Pa. coal-region)

  2. A couple of years ago we went to a swinger’s meeting in the greater Phoenix area. We had never done this and we both were nervous about it. Still, we showed up and introduced ourselves to the check-in table. This is where things really went south…

    As we were walking up to the table, an older man and woman sitting there looked at us like we were the next meal, and they were very hungry. Once we checked in, the woman exclaimed VERY LOUDLY, “Fresh Meat, Fresh Meat!!!!! Hey you guys [as she turned toward the numerous people sitting inside the room that was reserved for their “club”] we have fresh meat!!! Take a look and welcome them!”

    This exclamation happened as we walked across the threshold of the room…

    My wife and I looked around, looking at all those people looking at us like we were on the menu. I felt so embarrassed and shocked… My wife pulled me back and said we were leaving. “These people are fuckin’ nuts!”

    We never tried again.

    In our mind, this is what it’s like to go to such a gathering. Would we like to find a “third”? Sure… But, this was so wacked out we never tried anything like that since then.

    BTW, only 65+ people were there and they looked way too painted up to even look real… Yeah, very creepy experience.

    1. Hi Jerry and Kathy, wish you had a better experience. We’ve been to Bronze Club SF twice both times on Halloween weekend. Maybe we were lucky but 90% of the crowd was hot and way more respectful than expected. She was upset she didn’t get a lot of attention. In community red room nice guy who was with his lady actually asked me if he could slap her ass. First time in this kind of place I totally froze and said no. I wish I said yes. She’s mentioned that she wishes I let him meet her. This real story so apologize It doesn’t have a happy ending. 😉

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