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This Will Change How You View Swinging Lifestyle and Clubs

By January 7, 2020 February 14th, 2020 Swing Lifestyle Articles


That was my response to this beautiful email we received from Mary Elizabeth, another one of our wonderful members of our community.

Her note touches on so many different topics and is the perfect synopsis to what can happen when we as a society calm down, take a breath, and practice a little bit of empathy.

I am absolutely in love with this well thought out and beautifully executed email and received permission from her to share it with you below.



Hello John and Jackie,

I know that this email I am replying to was generated automatically and some sort of algorithm will handle this reply but, since you asked I thought, oh well why not? On the off-chance, this does find its way to your inbox and you happen to read it, I will be happy to tell you what the most difficult issue is I face in the lifestyle. Obviously, it would have to be the fact that I am a transsexual woman.

I really must commend all of the folks I have encountered at your colette clubs both in Dallas and just recently, New Orleans. This would be employees at your clubs and the members themselves. Everyone has been very courteous and quite receptive. Sometimes I wonder if perhaps I make more out of it than others but I hope that you feel that is understandable. Maybe, you have had those very same feelings? I think our society as a whole can be very fickle when it comes to tolerating and even accepting things that are outside the norm. But then the “norm” is usually “one size fits most” and most do NOT look good wearing it, no matter how utilitarian it may be. It begs the question, just exactly how common is a “normal” person anyway? LOL

At the risk of getting overly philosophical, I personally feel that diversity has a VERY necessary role in our society and it’s part of the very foundation of our country. We recognize that we are all equal no matter our differences and we all have the right to be exactly as our Creator made us. Which I think, is always a cause worth championing.

Whomever we are and whatever we do certainly will not always appeal to everyone, and that’s okay. But there’s no harm in seeking out and gathering with others, who we share similar likes and dislikes. Some could say, it’s potentially subversive but in my opinion, that occurs when ones’ inalienable rights have been infringed upon. Do that and invite subversion every time, guaranteed!

Despite my own reasons for being a member, I truly admire what you guys have done and are doing. It is not just about being open sexually. It is really about getting others to take just a moment and think about who they are and what makes them an individual and hopefully, in turn, reflect upon the concerns of another. My belief is that the greatest gift we have is that of each other. No human can survive in isolation of other humans and the lack of even the slightest hope of human contact if you could even imagine such a thing. I think we are just as dependent on each other as we are on the sustenance to maintain biological life. Which after all is what separates humans from all other life on the planet. Yikes! Where am I going with this?

I have felt very isolated for a very long time and after taking the chance and going to one of the clubs, I don’t feel so alone anymore. While I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, I am not an unattractive person (modesty aside and confidence speaking) and the reception I have had probably changed my life and, that’s no small thing! We could talk gender and sexuality all day long but I think the most important issue is just being and feeling human, flaws and all! Pretty cool, huh?

I guess it goes without saying, I am in your corner and happy to be a part of the lifestyle and whatever loftier purpose it may serve. However, truth be told, I really just want to relax and enjoy myself and have some really great, leg trembling, toe-curling, sex and hope my new friends experience the same!

Yours truly,
Mary Elizabeth


  • John says:

    Hi, Mary Elizabeth —

    Welcome, welcome, welcome! Thank you for having the courage to try out the clubs, and for writing.

    Yes, we could talk gender and sexuality all day long, so let’s do it, if you want to. I’m in the process of getting knocked farther from the norm by prostate cancer and implant surgery, so maybe some of my experience will be relevant to you. I’ll start by saying that my orgasms were very weak after the first surgery last April, but they’re coming back. It feels different with no semen, the contractions to ejaculate are gone. It’s good, but it’s different. There’s a lot of stuff they don’t tell you about surgery….

    — J.S.

  • Mary Elizabeth says:


    Hello, and thank you for the warm welcome. First, umm…okay, WOWWW! This is just amazing and wonderful. I certainly never expected anything like this! This is the first I am seeing the blog! Trying to take it all in…

    Okay, so John…I guess the next thing I should say, I am not recognized as an expert on anything. Even Dr. Phil is more qualified because he has Oprah’s blessing, lol. I can only speak to or from 50-ish years of being a square peg in a world populated by round holes and the preoccupation, distraction more accurately, of learning, understanding, and studying all of the round pegs and many fellow square pegs only to unlearn everything and start all over again. Several times! Okay, the amount of work otherwise equivalent to earning a Ph.D. but without the diploma to back it up. Yet, a Doctor, I am not, lol!

    Hahahaha! This is all so overwhelming! Okay, I am going to try to keep my comments concise and on topic, and if need be, we can circle back…
    Okay, well, you have pretty much been through it down there, haven’t you? I cannot speak from experience, can I knock on your wood, lol? I have not had prostate cancer. Also, I have not had any surgical procedures down there yet. (I may be asking for your perspective shortly) But I can speak to a couple of things you bring up and a couple of things you do not.
    One, I wouldn’t mind touching on, feeling, and I alluded to it earlier, no issues with getting and maintaining an erection I take it?

    See? From a woman’s perspective, that’s a huge deal, and you hope the bigger, the better, lol! I would say my friend, you are 99% there, and she will be too, lol! How about a happy ending now?

    You say ejaculation is gone. I say, Yay! It’s a personal preference, of course, yet do not get caught up in that. If you are enjoying the lifestyle right now, a new baby might put a little damper on that, and then we WILL be talking about getting and maintaining an erection, lol! Now lastly, and I believe most importantly, you say not everything feels like it once did. Well, I would think during any surgical procedure, there may be some nerves that are just taking there sweet time to heal. Have you ever smashed your thumb or finger, lost the nail and everything? How long before that came back to 100%? Years? Before we ever heard of and spoke openly about ED, there was this thing called premature ejaculation. Wasn’t that fun and embarrassing? But if it takes you a little longer to get there, it’s not a bad thing. Ask any porn star, lol.

    When you say that the intensity of your climax is not back up to par, is it still fully satisfying and complete? Or is it more like a ruined orgasm? What men never realize or even bother to discover is if, and I know it’s difficult, you shift that laser focus away from the smaller brain down there, then there’s a whole world of new and different and incredibly wonderful sexual pleasures to be found. Yes, even on their own bodies! It’s what I consider to be the best-kept secret of being transsexual. First, let me say this, the most incredible night of sex she and I both had together, never involved a penis at all! My Goodness, it was incredible! (her words) I have to tell you, I felt like more of a man as a woman on that night! Guys have very intense, big, explosive, one and done orgasms. Did you ever consider say, a rolling orgasm? Multiple times and each time building intensity with no drop in libido? Yep, all possible! Try not to get too wrapped up in the way you used to know it. That only shuts out a whole world of new experiences.

    Back to the nerves, in particular. Give it time. Also, use it! Our brains are incredible! Some will ask me if I can have an orgasm without direct stimulation. Umm? Have you ever heard of a wet dream, nocturnal emission? Our brains can re-map nerve paths and repurpose, oh say the nipples. Does your woman ever orgasm from good old fashioned nipple play? That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout! So, go to town on it down there if cleared with your Doctor, of course. It’s just like working out. Hey, maybe he/she can write you an order for therapy!? Send me some pictures of your progress…ONLY KIDDING!

    Okay, John, that’s my 2 cents worth! I don’t know what you can do with it, but if you have a dollar, you can buy a coke, lol!
    Excellent luck to you, my new friend!

    ~ Mary

  • John says:

    Hi, Mary —

    Yes, I’ve been through several surgeries. I need to schedule one more because the implant pump has adhered to the inside of the scrotum, which gives a permanent pinch and pull feeling. I’ve also had some spine surgeries. I still have limited feeling in my right index finger from one 11 years ago.

    The implant is only done when the pills and injections have failed, but when you have it, getting an erection is just a matter of squeezing the pump that’s located in the scrotum. And it stays up until you press the release button located a little higher up on the pump. That’s what I’m looking forward to, zero issues with maintaining an erection. One of our friends told me that the reason she doesn’t play with me any more is that I couldn’t keep it up. I’m looking forward to thanking her for that frank and useful feedback, it was a factor in the decision to get the implant.

    As for size, you do lose some during the time between the prostate surgery and the implant surgery. While you’re getting normal erections, the penis naturally maintains itself by having intermittent erections during sleep. When the prostate and its nerves are gone, that doesn’t happen, and atrophy sets in. For me, losing an inch of length is no big deal, but the girth went down from 6 inches to 5. My wife is OK with that, but it’ll be interesting to see what our other friends think. It’s also possible that a little of the lost girth will come back over time, but you have to pump it up really hard every day for the first year….

    Climaxes are fully satisfying sometimes, not quite sometimes, and ruined sometimes. I had the implant done on November 15, so things still need time to settle in. I expect the percentages will improve….

    If you do have surgery — any surgery — there are things you should know about the urinary and digestive systems that will save you some discomfort. But this post is way long already, let’s deal with that only if someone needs the info.

    — J.S.

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