Visiting Swingers Club and Embracing Your Bi-Sexuality

Bi-sexuality among women is not much of a big deal in the United States at lifestyle swinger clubs, but we’ve heard this before when it comes to men:

“Did you know there are two men playing with each other in the back? Are you going to let that happen?”

Unfortunately, there’s still some stigma when it comes to bi-sexuality among men.

So let’s talk about it!

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7 Comments

  • FullLifeWanted says:

    My husband and I have been interested in the lifestyle for about 2 years now with out having actually taking the plunge physically. I’m very interested in eager to begin but he has changed his mind on several occasions so but we’ve gotten very close, he particularly is interested in seeing me active while watching but that still has not happened. More recently I discovered that my husband had several bisexual moments with men providing him oral sex. I was initially incredibly upset and her butt he allowed me to ask any question I wanted at anytime I want it and we work through it and it opened up our communication tremendously. We are back to considering the lifestyle. My concern is that though though he states his experiences with these men was just something he wanted to try sorry to all the attention he’s receiving. He’s a very attractive man. My concern is that once we get more involved in the lifestyle, there will be a time where he may want to experience a man providing oral sex on him again. On some level I think I would actually enjoy seen him enjoy himself sexually with a male it is so hard to reconcile that image with how I’ve always viewed my husband. I don’t know what to do. I would like to be able to accept this side of him that I never knew existed but I will admit on occasions I’m having a hard time . I’ve questioned him about being bisexual and he didn’t think so, I know that titles are so confining but if he is I want to have a conversation about it open it. I want to embark on this journey of opening our marriage and enriching our marriage but this is still hanging me up. I feel unfair being able to do what I want with whomever I want male or female, while limiting him. I really need your help. Can you explain more about what it means for men to enjoy bi-sexuality in the lifestyle?

    • Jackie Melfi says:

      Hello,

      Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story. The topic of male/male play is still a pretty taboo subject. Men are still grappling with a feeling of comfort when talking about this so, kudos to you and your husband for having such a frank and honest conversation. I think you hit the nail on the head, in one of your very last comments, “I feel unfair being able to do what I want with whomever I want male or female…” it’s interesting that while we as a society are much more accepting of males “sowing their oats” while women are refrained from experimenting sexually, but then we (society) will turn around and be uber accepting of woman on woman play, yet stifle men from this experimentation. I am a firm believer in the fact that most of our sexual repression is taught. If we were simply left to our natural inclination, we would simply accept the interaction for what it is…pleasurable. Like you mentioned earlier, we like to get all caught up in labels. We want to be able to define who we are in the mass of humanity, but too much segregation and we end up with a whole new set of problems. We have labels for everything nowadays, straight, gay, bi, swinger, poly, on and on, in some attempt to make sense out of all the ways in which we enjoy sex. Think about it, these are all sourced back to sex. I’m straight, because of the way I have sex, I’m gay, because of the way I have sex. I’m bi, because of the way I have sex. So you see, the common thread is all about connection, about touching and pleasure and acceptance and bonding. It’s also about having a healthy dose of compersion for our partner. Our ability to see the joy our partner receives sexually whether from us or others. It is about being joyful in our partners freedom to express themselves and the courage it takes to let go. The trust your partner is placing in you with this information is a place of honor. How fantastic that he can finally talk about something that you have been free to express. I think it is high time we give our men permission to explore this side of who they are in a non-judgmental atmosphere. If we can keep from getting too caught up in labels we might just find that we can focus more on loving each other.

  • T and T says:

    You guys are great. Thanks for the guidance

  • B and D says:

    Great point. I am married to a wonderful woman that knows that I am bisexual. Her love for me is such that all I see in her eyes and smile is approval… telling me to enjoy it… I know I am not gay and I know I am not straight. Bisexuality is normal. Is not weird, not a disease. My wife’s love for me is such that she encourages me to have the fun. She has tried being bisexual and found out that she enjoys more being with another guy. I myself enjoy both very much and if she is joining she prefers when the guy is bi as well…

    • Jackie Melfi says:

      I absolutely love hearing about couples who encourage each other to be the best they can be and to love each other because of this! I tip my hat to both of you for being bigger than the labels and focusing more on what brings contentment.

  • Frank says:

    I appreciate your open attitude about male bisexuality. I’ve never done it, but I’m very open to it.

    Planning to visit your NOLA location tonight!

    Thanks.

  • Kandl says:

    When I was recently at a lifestyle resort in Mexico I noticed that the idea of male-male sexual interaction was taboo. I raised the issue with some of the other guests during a late night chat. They too had noticed that the resort had many images of women in sexual play but none of men. Very “female centric.” I wasn’t inferring that my husband was looking for a male partner, just taking note of the implied taboo. I frankly enjoy watching male on male porn and get turned on by the thought of it. Its good to know Colette’s is open to that possibility. We’ll be checking you all out at NIN this summer! I’ll be keeping my eyes open for action in the back recesses of the playrooms!

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