I talk a lot about all the mechanics of an open relationship—all the benefits a consensual non-monogamous union can and does bring to those marriages that introduce the concept into their lives. John and I talk about trust, honesty, and communication being the foundational base for cultivating a peaceful and loving life whether you swing or not and how to use these components in forging a strong partnership.
But today, I want to focus on some of the physical benefits of a swinging lifestyle. When you introduce swinging into a relationship, it amplifies your lovemaking prospects, not only in numbers but in variety. No more are we destined for a life of missionary style lovemaking. In an open relationship our imagination is the limit.
Not long ago I spoke to a group of women about the benefits I have found in the swinger lifestyle. They were AMAZED by all the different positions and possibilities in my love life. I thought, “You know it would be a good idea to list a few,” so here goes:
Threesome: Oh yes, the fantasy of most men, and you might be surprised to find that most women fantasize about engaging in a threesome as well. That erotic image of being pleased by two people at the same time is for most of us a fantasy that remains just that…a fantasy. For me, a threesome was a game changer. Being the center of attention with the added surge of feeling kind of like a queen bee sent my eroticism over the edge. Threesomes come in all kinds of varieties: MFM, FMF, and even two couples with one person watching. But what makes threesomes so intriguing is the multiplicity of what is going on. The extra set of body parts offer endless opportunities for adventure.
DVP: Double Vaginal Penetration. Okay guys, this one requires you to get over your fear of close physical contact with another guy, as you and your male counterpart will both be inside the vagina simultaneously. I will give you a minute to picture this one. This is yet another benefit of a threesome. Both men and women who experience this somewhat contortionist act come away surprisingly satisfied, especially the men…go figure!
Fisting: According to Wikipedia, “Fisting, handballing, fist-fucking, brachiovaginal, or brachioproctic insertion is a sexual activity that involves inserting a hand into the vagina or rectum. Once insertion is complete, the fingers are either clenched into a fist or kept straight. Fisting may be performed without a partner, but it is most often a partnered activity.” I know for me, this required some mental relaxation. If you tense up…so do all those muscles down there. If you can get your head wrapped around the meditative space you need to be in, this sex act can have some powerful physical responses for the woman…plus the man will love focusing his attention on making this happen.
Anal: I have yet to talk to a man who does not have this high on his list of things to try. This one can be particularly difficult for women to wrap their heads around because of the fear associated with anal sex. “It will smell, or what if I poop, or it is not natural,” will be some of the reasons women will use to deter from engaging in this act. One of the biggest lessons I learned in adopting the swinging lifestyle was putting away my ego and self-consciousness. I have learned so much about my body and what it is capable of feeling ever since I said “adios” to my sexual hangups and tried some of those outside the box positions. According to Lauren Brim, author of The New Rules of Sex, “What is truly unique about anal sex is its location in relation to the nervous system. Anal sex stimulates the anal nerve…which is part of our network of pleasure nerves!” Who would have ever thought that this often ignored hole would provide such release (pun intended)?! It might also surprise you to know that anal sex performed on men will have orgasmic releases as the male “G-spot” is about two to three inches inside the rectum. Anal sex…it’s not just for women!
Squirting: Yes, squirting is a real thing! A recent study found that squirting or female ejaculation is thought to be produced in part by the Skene’s gland, and Fourth Century China believed the liquids excreted during an orgasm were imbued with mystical and healthful properties. I know in my own experience with squirting, the orgasm is completely different from say, vaginal sex or masturbation. This internal spot (some call it the g-spot) when massaged by my husband (or play partner) will result in the release of fluid. This fluid (squirting) is something that happens as a result of this internal vaginal massage. I do not try to make it come…it just does.
Handjob While Having Sex: This is one of John’s favorite ways to have sex, but you do not have to swing to enjoy this simple yet effective act. It is really very simple. While you and your partner are having vaginal sex, the woman simply grabs onto the penis shaft and strokes it in motion with the intercourse. The woman’s ability to apply more or less pressure with her hand to the penis during sex can create a strong orgasm for the man as a result. Super easy, yet super effective.
My journey through swinging has changed my view on so many different levels about my relationship with sex. I have learned to embrace the joy and beauty in sex. It really is a life force, whether you are talking the creation of life or the extension of your own. The benefits to having a healthy and active sex life have been documented for centuries not to mention the thousands of scientific studies that continue to spout the countless attributes of staying sexually active. While you do not have to be a swinger to enjoy a satisfying sex life, it has been my experience that the variety and sheer opportunity of multiple play partners enriches my experimentation with my own body. So often we can become caught up in the daily grind of life’s responsibilities—our job, the kids, the house, the bills—can all take a front seat on our “to do” lists, leaving our connection to life’s release clear back in the trunk! I say it is time to get creative. We all should pull out the Kama Sutra books and our imaginations and practice! We really need to get in touch with our bodies and find, The New Joy of Sex!
But what about you? What sex positions, whether singularly, with your partner, or with more, are your favorites? What positions or practices have you found that WE could all benefit from? Share your secrets with Openlove101.
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John and Jackie Melfi are in a consensually non monogamous marriage. They have been featured in ABC News Nightline Special Report “Getting Naughty In N’awlins”, Inside a New Orleans Swingers Convention, and CNN “This Is Life” with Lisa Ling. The Melfis are the force behind the industry famous colette swingers clubs in New Orleans, Dallas, Houston, and Austin. With over 20 years of combined experience, this powerhouse couple coaches thousands of singles and couples through their award winning blog Openlove101.com.